Alistair Lawrence

And then a big tax bill arrived at the end of the year, so Brian misremembered that one.

#TheArchers

Replying "fine, thanks!" when someone asks how you are, whilst desperately yearning to feel the weight of shovelled dirt upon your face.

Cleo tried to stop it. The dog is the only one with any sense.

#TheArchers

I saw a video recently from an American who moved to the UK and said that since moving here he sometimes doesn't realise he's been insulted until hours later. That's what this is. A British journalist writing for a British news outlet read by a British audience who get the sarcasm and polite insults

If you're mocking the way he looks, the journalist is blind, so his appearance might not be his biggest concern.

Exactly this. In the same way "tired and emotional" is journalist code for describing someone who is incredibly drunk, it's very clear to a British eye that "enigmatic and expansive" means "prolonged ramblings". Anyone who thinks this is sanewashing needs to read the sarcasm.

The cover of the Bruce Willis album The Return of Bruno.

Definitely.

#TheArchers

Sharon was John's on/off lover when he was cheating on Hayley. The result of that affair was Johnny (aka Rich), but John was squashed by a Massey Ferguson before he found out and Sharon didn't let on until Pat figured it out in 2011.

#TheArchees

We don't hear it at all, only Elizabeth arriving back at Brookfield and telling David about how she made a scene in Nelson's wine bar.

#TheArchers

I haven't listened to a huge amount from 1989, but Clive and Sharon aren't on mic when their baby is born, when they're struggling to find somewhere to live or when Clive does a bunk. I think the robbery might be the first proper storyline where he's heard, but I'd need to dig into it.

#TheArchers

He's been away from Ambridge for longer than he's been in it. He first did a runner in '89, abandoning Sharon and their baby, but I think he was a silent at the time.

#TheArchers

I have a feeling Kiera ran away because she'd had enough of George when he was at home and had enough of her parents arguing about George when he wasn't. Much like #TheArchers as a whole at the moment, everything's about George and it's relentless. I'd want to get away from that village as well.

Cousin's right, I think. Their fathers were brothers.

I'd skip ahead ten minutes when Libby Purves comes on. She read out a half-arsed first draft, no proofreading or fact-checking. You'd have done better off the top of your head, and I expect your fee would have been lower than hers.

#TheArchers

She's coming across as someone who only vaguely remembers reading about The Archers.

#TheArchers

She just said Dan and Doris had three kids, "Phil and two daughters". Caroline and Jack. *facepalm*

#TheArchers

Everyone in the village formed an orderly queue.

#TheArchers #MurderOnTheAmbridgeExpress

You could be right, but I'm mostly remembering Mia being very scathing of Chelsea's interest in fashion and cosmetics, thinking her very shallow. Mia is/was an eco-warrior wanting to save the world, so she didn't have much regard for that sort of vanity.

#TheArchers

Mia would probably think less of Brad for wanting to go out with an influencer who puts eyelashes on for a living.

#TheArchers

Only once each. George might have used his quota on that postbox.

#TheArchers

I don't think George considers Brad to be any kind of threat in that department. Not yet, anyway.

#TheArchers

Ambridge hasn't had a GP surgery since Dr Hathaway (Siobhan's ex-husband) left 20-odd years ago, they all have to go elsewhere.

#TheArchers

"I call it Water-Man, because that's what it looks like. Dennis Water-Man."

#TheWarBetween #TWBTLATS

Four men in parkas forcing a furious polar bear into a cage.

“And what is the charge? Eating a seal? A succulent Chinese seal? GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY PENIS!”

Justin needs another Warburton Week to top-up his goodwill to all beavers.

#TheArchers

I can't believe it's been 40 years since Captain Birdseye died. And so young, too.

A brass memorial plaque on Eastenders. "Frank Butcher 1940-2008. Husband, Father, Pilchard"

A Frank Butcher line from EastEnders. "What do you take me for? Some kind of pilchard?"

Unlike Frank Butcher, though, Amber's dad really is some kind of pilchard. Amber's half pilchard, which is why she got bullied at school.

#TheArchers

Bloody Lord Chamberlain's at it again.

Be fair, they have every right to crow about how they overcame British rule, abolished slavery and single-handedly defeated the Nazis with... [reads post] ...democracy and non-violence.