Baby steps. At this point I think the first move is to get the executive branch to acknowledge that the constitution exists.

The entire back half of a cat sticking out from the bed he is trying to hide under.

Cats are innate masters of stealth.

Fun fact: no one knows how you win a curling match, because one has never been completed.

Spanish-American war? Absolutely. Anglo-Zanzibar war? Definitely. Six Day War? Of course. It's right there in the name.

There have been whole-ass wars that were shorter than curling matches.

A screenshot of my phone saying I have 999+ unread texts.

I've reached the top.

ICE leaving our state is acceptable provided the agents are re-stationed to, in order:

1. Jail
2. Hell

Based on the fact that there are two guys on the sled, Mr. Luge also might have been working through something.

I'm presuming luge was named for a Mr. Luge, who died while creating the sport.

Try not to rub the ice too hard with your stick. If you rub the colors off, they won't be able to tell who won.

Don't get bored and wander away in the midfle of a match! They go on for a long time.

Have fun out there doing the curling!

Make sure to wear a sweater! Ice is cold, donchaknow?

If you slip, you could chip a tooth!

If I was a curling coach, all the advice I'd give would be about trying not to slip on the ice.

CBS news is gonna do a killer performance of 'The Battle of Hampton Roads'.

I know people are angry, and a lot of people would be fine with just burying all ICE agents in an unmarked grave at this point. But I think the grave should be marked, because we need more public toilets.

Representatives. Whatever. All of them.

A proposal for elected Democratic party officials:

We the people have seen your refusal to stand up for us, and we are going to vote you all out of office in favor of people who will do so. But, should you start to stand up for us, then until we can vote you out, we promise to yell at you less.

My car display reading an outside temperature of -18 degrees Fahrenheit.

Today's special is that if you slip me $5 I'll let you lean over the grill.

When I hear someone rapping about eating pussy like it's the last supper, I presume he means that when the foreplay ends it's time to murder Jesus.

I mean, it doesn't say it was related to the murder. Maybe he ate a really spicy chicken wing.

How does it feel to know that when you die scientists will study for skeleton for centuries to try to determine how someone with no backbone ever stood up in the first place?

My God did The Good Place absolutely nail the democratic party.

You were definitely less cranky than me. No deletes needed.

Ha. Just bring a crank before going to bed, while actually hoping the cats bring people joy.

2 gigantic chonk cats in the top of one cat tower looking at the camera together claiming they are, in fact, smoll beans. They are not. Do not believe their lies.

As much as I don't like playing along, I love this picture. My cats' cuteness is defeating my curmudgeonliness.

Congratulations on being correct on the internet.

Hope you love it. I'm checking out the re-done Ham Fisted right now. Thanks for letting me know it exists.

A long as I'm agreeing with a lot of your list, did you check out the new mclusky record? Love that one.