Keith Taylor

Good for this kid. Can't be easy to deal with such a challenging situation at that age, but damn it she's gonna find a positive angle.

Same thing will eventually happen to the teleport beetle. It's at a loose end right now.

Everything about 1999 Brendan Fraser is GOALS. I want his physique, his hair, and his incredible chair hurling prowess.

The Penis Monologues are even more gross than you might imagine, but the musical interlude is oddly moving

Loul. Roufl, even.

Slop guy: Whoa. I know kung fu.

*attempts to stand up, shits himself violently, falls over*

AI knowledge base: That's not just brave - it's insightful. You're right to call me out on how that isn't technically kung fu and it won't happen again

It’s still there. It advances by one frame each day. It’s *so* graphic now.

starling (seth rogen): if you could take this survey that would be so awesome. i could get out of your hair before this guy's done jacking off.

hannibal lecter (danny mcbride): motherfucker that's miggs. me and him are boys, so you better watch yourself. i'm behind this glass cause i ate some dudes

my posts are made the old-fashioned way (being insane)

movie is such a great name for them. yeah they do

Some of the greatest authors in history have a unique voice and myriad weird idiosyncrasies that can feel jarring and clumsy when read in a single out of context paragraph. It's little surprise that AI is able to shit out a simulacrum of that single paragraph that 'reads' better.

We're not 'upposed to talk about it.

Peeing on a jellyfish sting doesn't help. Unless that's your kink, in which case fuck it, you may as well be turned on while it stings. Pee away.

Starting an OF that's just tastefully lit photos of a glistening barrel of crude.

What do you think has been clogging those toilets all this time? Biiiiig unicorn poops.

Would you like Clippy to help you write your resignation letter?

In 2017 I worked 18/7 for six months on what became my most successful novel, but I couldn’t read for pleasure for almost five years after that. Hit full in the face by word PTSD. Even now I mostly reread old favourites rather than tackle new novels. Writing just takes too much out of me.

(I know it’s Latin, but the jooooooke)

They don’t like you playing with their language, Jerry. You are now persona no grata in Paris.

Shit, now I am too.

In UK English another (unpleasant to my ears) word for vagina in minge, and here in Mongolia the translation of beaver is… minj.

It gets better if you insert some cool guitar. Blackened rain, blackened rain.

My information consumption is now 1/4 repeating my opinions to myself in a mirror, 1/4 old dry cleaning receipts found in pockets and 1/4 Judy Blume novels. No, shut up, you’re wrong, fractions are for nerds.

[turns to ornate mirror]

Fractions are for nerds, you beautiful genius.

A problem with limiting their exposure to information and alternate viewpoints is that they fail to grasp how embarrassing this is.

Excellent news :)

90s media: THESE AREN’T YOUR GRANDPA’S MUFFINS

2020s media: Your Grandfather had better muffins than you but the immigrants took them, we need concentration camps to restore you to the muffins of old.

[Caught in the middle of a blazing row between your wife and your mother]

OK, stop, both of you! Lemme play devil's advocate here.

[2h24m later]

See? That was a solid performance from Pacino, right? Seriously underrated. I bet you don't even remember what the two of you were arguing about.

I don't have the right equipment to comment on her argument, but as an enjoyer of the flow and rhythm of language "this politician rocks" would be an unsatisfying arrrangement of words.

The other day in the bar some Diet-Trump American friends of mine were arguing that Iran is a long game to hurt China. An increase in crude prices would hurt Beijing but not the US as "the US is energy independent."

I rolled my eyes so hard I'm still in the hospital. Pray the surgery goes well.

telling people i "was droids" in a "couple star wars" but i signed an NDA so i can't say what ones... the perfect lie.... impossible to disprove

“No, sorry, they brought in another guy to do the beeps and stuff. Can’t tell you who, but it rhymes with Blichael Winslow.”