minkitypinkity ❤️

what if earrings grew out of the side of our heads and we hung little dangly ears from them

If I could change anything about myself I’d make my mouth big enough to fit a whole cookie

Yes, the crows ARE laughing at you

As a child I ate the flesh-colored crayola and this is my cannibal origin story.

The older I get, the more my brain feels like it was stirred with a fork.

Draining all the fluids from my body so they can be replaced with a nice Aperol spritz.

life hack: cats

This is one of those ‘if I wake up dead tomorrow it will still be a better day than today’ kind of days.

if it’s been sitting under a heat lamp for more than an hour that’s not food anymore it’s a hostile alien life form

i truly do not care what the rain in spain is doing

I keep my secrets in my hair (hint: it’s the grey ones)

Always keep a small piece of chalk in your pocket lest you run out of tums or fall down and die.

Blood is just the start of what I am capable of hemorrhaging.

One thought a day feels like it should be enough.

My one eyelid is planning a coup.

Come my children, stare down my gullet to the very center of me, a world of wonder, an ocean of acid.

Grief eventually leads to joy, which you'll know when you've cried so hard your nose makes a noise just like a clown's nose being honked

one mood away from getting a tattoo that says eyebrows on my forehead

What's it like getting to climb into bed next to someone who loves you? I bet it's like a really good sandwich.

"New year, new me", I say as I get a new me out of deep freeze and bury the old me in the woods

i take being silly very seriously

I just wanna be a magnet on your fridge and watch you eat string cheese at 3am

tell your dog to stop peeing on my leg

i plan to spend the next year living as an inflatable lawn decoration

A piñata full of unused new year's resolutions.

I’m sorry. I don’t answer texts that take that long to write

😂

if you see me with a chip clip in my hair mind your business

i’ll be on facebook telling everyone I see to fuck right off

be careful out there today the static electricity is really bad some tacos just stuck to my mouth