Manic Pixie Librarian

I meant to go to sleep almost three hours ago. Oops.

“But we’re a university! We have to have a library!” said Ridcully. “It adds tone. What sort of people would we be if we didn’t go into the Library?” “Students,” said the Senior Wrangler morosely.

- The Last Continent, Terry Pratchett

If a post makes me feel any negative emotions today I’m blocking the author. I’m so done.

I think the worst thing the world did was try to convince us that any individual human matters.

There are 8 billion of us. We’re an infestation.

Need cats. Or a miracle. Will settle for cats.

It would be lovely if I don’t lose the entire day tomorrow to stomach aches. I have things I would like to direct my spouse to do (and help where I can, of course.)

Dinner was late because of the contractor and now I’m full and sleepy like a kitty.

Nice! I’ve been both places but not in the same trip (or decade for that matter.)

I try to focus on all the stuff I did do with her and it helps. (DC, Chicago, DisneyWorld). She doesn’t remember DC really (she was 4, I think?) but there are pictures!

We took two train trips to Chicago with Kiddo before I got sick. It’s a fairly short trip for us and she loved it.

Travel isn’t feasible with me now and it makes me so sad because I promised Kiddo I would take her to NYC by train.

FINALLY.

Argghhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (He’s still here. I just want to get clean and I can’t because he will almost certainly poke his head out when he’s done. He’s already accidentally invaded my privacy once today.)

The contractor is still here. I am going to lose my mind.

On the bright side, I think all that will be left after today is carpet and doors.

He is being really conscientious about all my accessibility stuff though! I don’t want to seem like I’m ungrateful.

Ready for the construction guy to be gone for the day. I need some privacy and he’s been all over the place today.

Thank you. My biggest concern right now is the insurance because I have a *great* plan and I might actually be able to go back to work once I’m on a maintenance plan but the symptoms of the full chemo plan are just so overwhelming right now.

I just found out that if I qualify for SSDI COBRA should cover me for 29 months but I have to investigate whether my retirement plan somehow fucks this up (my retirement plan keeps fucking things up.)

My COBRA payment would be pricey but I would be able to swing it.

I need about $20000 so I can give up and go out on disability from my job. I’m miserable every time I think about trying to go back in any capacity. Fuck.

I was kind of lazy/ADHD before I became disabled and I cannot believe I never thought of putting a box of wipes and some face wash on my nightstand. Being able to easily clean my face has saved my mood more times than I can count at this point.

Kiddo is finished her HPV shots but she has to eat school lunch today because spouse and kiddo walked out without her lunch this morning on the way to the appointment.

School lunches are free here so the only real question is whether they’re serving something she likes.

Friday of “vacation” and I have done nothing but feel miserable all week. Bugger.

As someone with bowel incontinence from cancer, I really feel like there are so many other things that people could make fun of Trump for that wouldn’t be insulting to innocent people.

Once I cash out I will have made up all the stupid money I spent playing dumb games on my phone and I can finally quit feeling guilty.

I’ve been really worried about getting hospitalized again and, being bored, spending when I’ve already exceeded my personal limit.

It is the 5th and I have been so bored and bed bound that I have already spent my gaming allowance for the month.😩

This Taylor Tomlinson stand up special seems generated to trigger me. WTF? She's still funny though...

Finally having some modicum of energy at 11:15 is not the fucking vibe. 🤬

I’ve had almost no food today because of my stomach upset. Which is unfortunately normal post chemo but I need to fix it or this will only become worse.

I’m about to eat an entire sleeve of crackers. 😂

Going to eat fudge even though my stomach hurts because fuck my body.

I keep thinking how thankful I am that I didn’t put off any of the exciting things I did with Kiddo the two-three years before I got sick. Even though it wasn’t financially sound for some of them, we made a lot of memories (and I took a lot of pictures) that will hopefully sustain her (and me.)

Just paid the bulk of my max-out-of-pocket for the year. Just need to hold on to this job and not have to switch insurances...

Not feeling great today. Should probably go to urgent care. Don’t want to because the closest one is not really wheelchair accessible. Also it’s cold outside. Where is the warm weather I was promised????