Surprised Eel Historian, PhD

Meme. Image of Gilbert de Clare from a stained glass window. The image is cropped, so you're only seeing him from the shoulders up. He is wearing armor & a helmet. He has a shield on his back, and is wearing a brocaded yellow tabard with what a design in red on the chest. He had a mace, it's head painted red (with paint or blood...your choice!) on his back with his shield. He's standing before a blue background, making it look like he's falling into the sea from a great height. Roger is looking worried. His eyes are flicking up and far off to your right. His mouth is drawn up in a frown, and his nose is cautious. His face is pale like the moon reflected in a saucer of milk. His expression looks very much like he's sitting in a coffee shop & watching a pair of mormon missionaries getting closer and closer, evangelizing as they come. He just wants to drink his coffee and doomscroll, and he hates confrontation. Oh, where is the manager?? Meme text reads: "Eels! Well. I do de Clare!" Editorial note: in the whole annual cycle of eel history posts, there are a handful that I really look forward to (for various reasons). This is one, because the pun in the meme makes me unreasonably happy.

So Lent's around the corner & you're gettin' hungry. What do you do?

Well, if you're the unpleasant 13th C. knight Gilbert de Clare, you're in luck. Because on Shrove Tuesday fishermen from Tonbridge will pay you 20 large eels & 1500 small eels (60 sticks) in rents.

Problem solved!
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I’ll play. My comps were technically in:

1. Medieval history
2. Medieval literature
3. Latin American history

‘Cause those were the fields my examiners were rated for. Bit my actual fields were:

1. Medieval European history
2. Medieval English historiography
3. Cartographic & spatial history

Meme. Image of Gilbert de Clare from a stained glass window. The image is cropped, so you're only seeing him from the shoulders up. He is wearing armor & a helmet. He has a shield on his back, and is wearing a brocaded yellow tabard with what a design in red on the chest. He had a mace, it's head painted red (with paint or blood...your choice!) on his back with his shield. He's standing before a blue background, making it look like he's falling into the sea from a great height. Roger is looking worried. His eyes are flicking up and far off to your right. His mouth is drawn up in a frown, and his nose is cautious. His face is pale like the moon reflected in a saucer of milk. His expression looks very much like he's sitting in a coffee shop & watching a pair of mormon missionaries getting closer and closer, evangelizing as they come. He just wants to drink his coffee and doomscroll, and he hates confrontation. Oh, where is the manager?? Meme text reads: "Eels! Well. I do de Clare!" Editorial note: in the whole annual cycle of eel history posts, there are a handful that I really look forward to (for various reasons). This is one, because the pun in the meme makes me unreasonably happy.

So Lent's around the corner & you're gettin' hungry. What do you do?

Well, if you're the unpleasant 13th C. knight Gilbert de Clare, you're in luck. Because on Shrove Tuesday fishermen from Tonbridge will pay you 20 large eels & 1500 small eels (60 sticks) in rents.

Problem solved!
🗃️🧪

They were! It was the apprentices who jumped him, so they were probably: a) looking after their masters' interests; b) not wanting to catch hell for the shop getting a fine; and c) bored.

It's also possible that Roger was a repeat offender

Art. Black and white ink pen drawing made of abstract shapes and lines that look like the head of a bird or flyingsaurus coming free from a well-traveled walnut.

Not so sure what this drawing is. Perhaps a pterodactyl emerging from an egg?

Ok...so monk seals snort eels. But I hear you asking: What about me?

You can too!

According to a 1440 book of medical advice, you can cure a bloody nose by crushing up dried eel skin & snorting it like blow (through your "nose thirlles").

Don't let the seals have all the fun!
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That’s what happened here. His 1st wife died after a long illness. She had a nurse. After his wife died, everyone thought my great-grandfather would marry the nurse. But no…he married her 17 yr old daughter.

He was rich, & she likely thought he’d die soon. But he didn’t, and they had 3 kids.

Ribbon eels are awesome. And this bit of eel art is cool.

Mid 70s.

50.

My great-grandfather was born in 1838.

Meme. Medieval painting of a battle scene. There are knights on horses charging across a field, trampling on the bodies of fallen soldiers. The knights have their swords raised, & are hacking at each other. Several of the swords have blood on them, and one unfortunate knight is having his head cloven in twain by what must be a god-awfully strong sword stroke. Either that or his head's made of meringue (and blood). The colors of the painting are vibrant; there are a lot of bright blues, and oranges. It's a cheery sort of slaughter. The corpses on the ground look somewhat peaceful at first, but on close look you notice that they are in various stages of dismemberment and decapitation. They just look like they're resting. The whole scene is a mess, and you can't tell who's winning or losing. Or what the fight is about. You can't even tell who you're supposed to be cheering for, or who's on which team. It's like walking into the middle of food fight in a middle school lunchroom. It's bedlam, friends. Meme text reads: "The deadliest eel fight in all the litter-ature"

Don't litter, friends.

In 1326 Roger Styford was walking in London, selling eels from a bucket & skinning them on the spot. Tired of carrying the skins, he dropped them in the street, & nearby shopkeepers came out & beat him to death.

So: Save your eel skins to save your own.
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Stormtrooper issued

This is an excellent book. It's well-written, fascinating, & scary. I grew up with only a passing understanding of American evangelical culture. But the more I learn as an adult, the less I like it & the more comfortable I become in my own agnosticism.

Give Tal's book a read/listen. It's worth it.

That's quite possible

Meme. Medieval painting of a battle scene. There are knights on horses charging across a field, trampling on the bodies of fallen soldiers. The knights have their swords raised, & are hacking at each other. Several of the swords have blood on them, and one unfortunate knight is having his head cloven in twain by what must be a god-awfully strong sword stroke. Either that or his head's made of meringue (and blood). The colors of the painting are vibrant; there are a lot of bright blues, and oranges. It's a cheery sort of slaughter. The corpses on the ground look somewhat peaceful at first, but on close look you notice that they are in various stages of dismemberment and decapitation. They just look like they're resting. The whole scene is a mess, and you can't tell who's winning or losing. Or what the fight is about. You can't even tell who you're supposed to be cheering for, or who's on which team. It's like walking into the middle of food fight in a middle school lunchroom. It's bedlam, friends. Meme text reads: "The deadliest eel fight in all the litter-ature"

Don't litter, friends.

In 1326 Roger Styford was walking in London, selling eels from a bucket & skinning them on the spot. Tired of carrying the skins, he dropped them in the street, & nearby shopkeepers came out & beat him to death.

So: Save your eel skins to save your own.
🗃️🧪

I've clearly been going about it all wrong.

The master of the alt text strikes again.

Horde it like a dragon, obvs

Social science with the own goal

Meme. Painting of two eels in the water. They are yellow, and so is the background, so it's unclear if these are yellow eels, or eels seen through a yellow filter. They don't much care, I would guess. The eels are dark on top, and are casting shadows below them, such that they seem like eel sandwiches stuffed into the bread of darkness. They deserve names, so we shall call one of the Olivort and the other Trovilo. You can decide which is which. One is looking to the left, and one is looking back over its metaphorical shoulder to the right. Neither is looking at you, and I think that's a choice. You should maybe spend some time thinking about why, and then try to move forward and live your life as the sort of person that eels would want to look at. Meme text reads: "Weir gonna climb Right over your dam"

Let's talk about eels & dams. 'Cause dams are a problem for eels now, but they haven't always been.

Eels can live out of water for a while, & travel overland. Young eels climb up & around small waterfalls as they migrate. And so many medieval dams weren't a problem for them. 1/7
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Meme. Photograph of a New Zealand Longfin eel looking at the camera, peering out from behind some underwater flora. This is an amazingly endearing eel, and she deserves a name. We can call her Jelloria and she'll feel pretty good about it. She is grey with touches of white, and has piercing blue eyes that would be the envy of many a movie star. You could fall into those eyes and never even notice the landing. Jelloria's mouth is set in an expression of hopeful despair, and she longs for you to take action. The feeling you get looking into her face is a bit like when you're accosted by girl scouts selling cookies outside of Walmart. But take that feeling, with its weight of desire (for cookies) mixed with your sense of social obligation and a squeamishness about saying "no", and wrap it all up in honey-dripped devotion. THAT is the way Jelloria makes you feel. You'd do anything for her. Wreck a dam? Sure. Hayduke lives for Jelloria. Meme text reads: "Won't you save me from this dam nation?"

Many of them just won't make the passage back. For a species on the brink, that's a big problem.

Modern dams are one of the greatest threats facing eels today. Just one more reason to move away from hydroelectric power. The eels will thank us. 7/7

How trucking eels is reviving a river Some scientists say assisted migration could help more species survive the warming planet.

In some places, young eels are trapped & relocated. On the Susquehanna River in the US, elvers are transported by truck past local dams.

That's great. But them you also have to help them back to the sea later on. That's a lot of truckin'. 6/7
www.washingtonpost.com/climate-solu...

Meme. Image of an eel ladder in Morocco. It is a series of ramps snaking up the dam. The surfaces are covered in a green material to help give the eels traction; it's something like astroturf. It perhaps looks inviting to an eel. Did you know that there are eels in Morocco? It's true! European eels have a range that extends throughout Europe and the Mediterranean, including North Africa. Eels do not care for your boundaries; in fact, they don't even think about it. They know, in their hearts, that borders are social constructs. We could learn a thing or two from them. Meme text reads: "The work of the Ladder-Day Saints"

People try to help. You can build eel passes, or fish ladders, for modern dams that give migrating fish a pathway around.

These help, but not enough. And if they're not maintained then they don't do any good at all. 5/7

Meme. Photograph of an eel underwater, looking at the camera. The eel is on the bottom of a stream, and is probably far more comfortable than you would be in the same situation. It is yellow and wonderful, with perky nostril horns and an upturned smile. But there is a hint of uncertainty in that smile, and behind the one eye that we can see. As if this eel is only now learning about the problems of hydroelectric dams, and is trying to maintain a cheerful facade while, behind the mask, panic is setting in. Meme text reads: "Would you swim through a helicopter blade just to have sex?"

But there wasn't a drop-off in the numbers of eels they were eating. 'Cause eels weren't fussed by those dams.

But modern dams? That's a whole other story. They're too big for elvers to climb over easily, and hydroelectric turbines kill silver eels migrating back to sea. 4/7

Movie poster style image, showing two gray fish on a blue background. There are no eels, which is not a thematic problem but is still an issue. There should always be eels somewhere. The poster text reads: "Fish Event Horizon Anno Domini 1000" The top fish is long and somewhat trout-like (give me a break, I'm an eel historian, not a fishthyologist (or whatever they're called). His expression on slightly angry, and he'd like you to call him Pucktwist. The bottom fish is shorter, and looks quite worried. Her name is Anbeluna, and she looks like maybe she knows more about various horizons than does Pucktwist. Editorial note: in my opinion, "Fish Event Horizon" is a real triumph of naming.

As the English built more dams, the number of salmon and other freshwater fish dropped drastically. To compensate, starting in about 1000 CE the English began eating many more marine fish.

This shift from freshwater fish to marine fish is called the Fish Event Horizon! 3/7

Image of a medieval mill dam with an overshot wheel from the Luttrell Psalter. Upstream there are 2 eel traps in the water, with eels in them. You can't see the miller in this picture, but if you could he'd probably be in a panic. The water from the stream is coming right up to the door of the mill, and if it gets any higher he's going to have a problem. We can hope he has good insurance, but it seems unlikely. The miller is likely named something like Vaesselsmyth, and it's easy to imagine him as the sort of big burly man who crushes bud light cans on his forehead in the bar, but sings his heart out to Katy Perry songs in his car. You've been next to this man at a traffic light once.

Closeup of the eel traps upstream from the dam. You can see the eels getting stuck in them, with their tails hanging out. These eels are pretty well screwed, and are on their way to either the frying pan or the drying rack. Will they be dinner, or will they be paid in taxes? These are, at this point, their only two futures, and they won't be around to find out. This is a metaphor for many things in your life. You can choose which ones.

You can see here, in this great image from the 14th C. Luttrell Psalter, that there are eel traps *above* the dam.

These dams did block migration pathways for fish like salmon, though, with some interesting repercussions. 2/7

Meme. Painting of two eels in the water. They are yellow, and so is the background, so it's unclear if these are yellow eels, or eels seen through a yellow filter. They don't much care, I would guess. The eels are dark on top, and are casting shadows below them, such that they seem like eel sandwiches stuffed into the bread of darkness. They deserve names, so we shall call one of the Olivort and the other Trovilo. You can decide which is which. One is looking to the left, and one is looking back over its metaphorical shoulder to the right. Neither is looking at you, and I think that's a choice. You should maybe spend some time thinking about why, and then try to move forward and live your life as the sort of person that eels would want to look at. Meme text reads: "Weir gonna climb Right over your dam"

Let's talk about eels & dams. 'Cause dams are a problem for eels now, but they haven't always been.

Eels can live out of water for a while, & travel overland. Young eels climb up & around small waterfalls as they migrate. And so many medieval dams weren't a problem for them. 1/7
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Ohh...this is a job I would love. Not one I can take, but one I would love.

This too, shall pass