Jaime Marcus Junius Brutus Christley

If Sam and Frodo failed in their quest, that would be Attempted Mordor

Could be! I’m not complaining.

Recipes and cooking, those are the things I first put up guardrails against. As a matter of routine I will restrict search results to 2023 or thereabouts. I don’t like to waste time with pages telling me to pour Elmer’s glue into my pizza dough…

Great film! At the very least Quaid and Short should have been on lock for Supporting Actor and Actor Oscars that year. Dante’s Peak???

Listening to the owls out here. In 22 years living in NYC I think I didn’t hear a single owl. But this little dude is like (quiet like) boo whoo whoo whoo, real owl-like. Mad respect to his owl game. Who who little guy

I’m not owned!! I’m not owned

Quite a good movie lol. Watched it 2x, second time with me da. It’s very Roger Donaldson: unambitious but bulletproof as these things go. Difficult to imagine Hanks throwing his name onto projects that are dipped in shit

You gotta hand it to Hillary Clinton and Kamala Harris: they were the only two people who predicted that Donald Trump would be bad

Look, right or wrong (for me? right. absolutely correct), Platner's toast. It's a lost seat. Honestly worry about other seats, this one's done

could credibly said to bring dishonor onto the Corps. King and country and whatnot. Even if this account is crank city, DoD still gets their hackles up if one dumb leatherneck might could possibly damage their brand.

There's uniform regs about tattoos and they really only pertain to visibility. As in they shouldn't be visible while wearing long sleeves and a buttoned-up shirt. There's no procedure, per se, if you've got a Nazi deaths-head tattoo on your chest.... unless there's a chance you could embarrass or

well then maybe you should have won the election instead of tripping on your own shit and falling headfirst into a large factory vat of, once again, your own shit, you fucking useless piece of gristle. you're at a memorial service, put your titties away

I think I sensed that human civilization was on borrowed time when the Transformers toy line switched to more light-weight plastic parts, and no more metal.

Dean, what the fuck? You got to get him to the hospital! They might still be able to reattach the head to the rest of the Trejo

Ummm... Excuse me, can I help you find something?

(Beartato and Reginald, in a museum, gaze upon the Mona Lisa) BEARTATO: There it is. The Mona Lisa. The most famous painting in history. REGINALD: Wow! What's it do? BEARTATO: It... what? REGINALD: Why's it famous? What's it do? (Beartato thinks.) BEARTATO: I don't know. REGINALD (to nearly museum employee): Excuse me! Sir? What's it do? EMPLOYEE: You're the first person to ask! Watch this! (The employee yanks a pull-string. Mona Lisa's eyes spin around and her mouth opens like a puppet) MONA LISA: Honk honk! Honk honk! (Everyone is delighted. This is true art.)

True Art

Yes maam it would appear your son went out on the moors after claiming to have sighted the deadlights, and was claimed by the vengeful peat bogs. No maam we couldn’t retrieve him. The good news is he’s almost certainly in excellent physical condition and always will be. The bad news is he’s dead

Pretty sure you can always grab my attention if you begin with “There’s something out there, on the moors…”

All split diopter shots should be at least a tad obvious. It's part of their charm

*un-counts your chocula*

Because I have a perfectly balanced mind, I can say "I don't give a fuck about the Oscars" and it's both 100% true and 100% a lie.

He’s stirrin it

Actually I’m not that smart actually

Same

Where’s Wallace, String?

I’m not made of stone! Or monolith

You know what probably shook up the Best Actor category? MBJ winning the SAG five days before voting closed. Now *that* made things interesting.

Yeah! And that’s fun. Headline writers and take-havers, on the other hand…

Oscar voting closed yesterday. Chalamet would have had to piss off a lot of very online opera fans who also are members of AMPAS to affect his chances one way or another. He’s either winning or he isn’t.

I don’t think that’s altogether true KTLA 5!