NaughtyProphet (Commissions Tentative)

Look, I know my people, so I'm just going to put this out there. If there isn't art of this yet, I suspect there will be within a couple days.

Pretty sure my community has some real scarousal masters. I know there are plenty of normies who would look at what I write and consider it straight-up body horror.

Anyone who's played a @fenoxo.bsky.social game: "Yes, and? I don't see the problem."

Alas, my hobby was writing smut, which is kinda only good when shared, and I keep trying to find my way back to it.

the reason i'm ever optimistic is because bluesky has a near-monopoly on trans folks, the strongest per-capita posting demographic on earth. it's like having all the kenyan marathon runners.

I rarely write forced expansion; it typically gets out of hand, but it's chosen deliberately. And the people forcing transformations on unwilling people in my world are villains.

I know this probably isn't exactly about what I write, which is expansion smut; in at least a few cases, what the women I write want is boobs. But having the characters be people who want things and act to get them is something I try to do.

Yeah, that was a big moment for me, actually. I'd been in the expansion space for literally decades thinking only about it happening to others, and then about when I started writing in 2020, my brain went "but what if bigger YOU?" And whole new worlds of fantasy opened up.

I need to write more.

Like, all of this is a spectrum (or several of them on different axes), not distinct points, and while I am definitely a straight cis guy, I'm not all the way at that end of the spectrum, just almost. Imagining how bodies, including mine, could be different is very broadening. (Hah, expansion joke!)

It's nearly impossible to be a straight cis guy in this community without grappling with what it might say about you. Seeing the people I share the community with, and thinking about my own place in it, has made me a better person at the same time it made me a better writer.

I mean, that was what I was planning when the idea was first pitched and I considered stealing it. But that's what I do.

Look, if you're anything like me, the characters just live in your head, you're not in charge of them. I don't know how Hannah/Hollie works at all, she's two very different people, but her/their adventures turn out alright.

I've never quite felt like I should tackle a gender affirming transformation story, like it's not mine to tell. But when I look back at literally the first story I wrote, I came close. It's hard not to appreciate trans women when you're an expansion author; growing boobs is in their wheelhouse.

I'm constantly grateful that, as a cis man, my occasional flirtations with gender stuff have been well received. It's not surprising that trans people are well represented in our community, and that they look positively on my work is a delight.

Yes, I know that I haven't written about boobs in a while. I miss it, and I'm trying, it's just way harder for a variety of reasons.

Part of the joy of maintaining two relatively distinct online identities is that virtually none of the people who think I'm clever when I write about the Federalist Papers know about the people who think I'm clever when I write about giant boobs, and vice versa. It's a fun secret both ways.

Okay, now THAT might make it into my next story.

My Twitter/X account is officially deactivated. Good riddance.

So I'm sure most of you are aware of the news in the social media space. This is about to become my primary, if not only social media platform. I am hoping to get some new content out soon. If you know anyone who has been a fan and isn't already following me here, let them know. Thanks!

Basically, it sucks to be a thoughtful progressive straight white man with a loving wife and a supportive and diverse community, because you're always the worst person in that group, and you know it, and you can't complain about it without being even worse.

But I can't ask my wife, who is my best friend and the most amazing woman I've ever known, to do something that I can be upset at her about. And I'm certainly not going to fall into the stereotypical straight white guy grievances, because I know they're bigoted and wrong.

But it is not good for my brain to always lose. It honestly hurts to admit every single time, for as long as I can remember, that I messed up and I'm wrong and I need to do better. It's ethically right, but emotionally torturous, and I just want to win sometimes.

I shouldn't envy anyone who is the victim of more oppression than myself. I shouldn't want to be harmed in a way I can speak out against. I shouldn't want to be on the righteous side of an argument just because it means I don't have to examine my own culpability so deeply.

It's hard to be good, but part of being good (so I was raised to believe) is not complaining about how hard you have it, because your job is to use your privilege to stand up for those who have it harder than you. Which, as a secure middle-aged straight white man, is pretty much everyone.

How do I say that I wish I weren't so straight, or so white, or that I had worse pay? I don't want my wife to do things that hurt me, and she never does, but that means every (extremely rare) disagreement is about something I did wrong, and how do I explain the accumulated feeling of failure?

But it really does hurt to always be the one in the wrong, to always have hurt someone else by your action or inaction or lack of care. It feels awful to never be the one who can say that you deserve to be made whole, to never be owed an apology. And yet, how do you say that without sounding awful?

It feels like the most privileged thing in the world to say that my mental health is negatively impacted by never being the one who was legitimately harmed. And the people who might sympathize with me are the worst right-wing manosphere white supremacists, who I don't want to have on my side.

I know there are systems of which I'm the victim, but I can't win an argument with anyone about those, because those problems are systemic, not personal. So because I try to be intelligent and educated and thoughtful, I find myself always admitting fault, and never in the right in any dispute.

I can't recall any time when I've had an argument with someone I care about where I was wronged. My ex hurt me, quite a lot, but I didn't take a stand for myself because I cared about her, and always tried to acknowledge where I had gone wrong. My wife is fantastic, and has never wronged me.

I'm a 42-year-old relatively financially secure straight white man. I'm politically progressive, I have friends and connections in the queer community, and I do my best to be thoughtful and understanding. I have enough class consciousness to see the systems of oppression I live in, but I'm okay.