Gerboa.

worst day of the year. hour stolen from night time given to the smug idiot breakfast eaters. the rise and shine clowns

Parenthood is directly related to yelling dumb phrases like “STOP KICKING BALLOONS” and meaning it with your whole fucking soul.

The silver lining to having a chaotic daily life with a loose schedule is that DST doesn’t really change anything for me. Just a mild surprise when the light outside doesn’t line up with the time I thought it was but I’m almost always surprised by what time it is any way.

Normalize asking American tourists where they were on January 6th

Gail herself touched it. IS THAT NOT ENOUGH??

Greed has corrupted you.

Screenshot from dalstrong.com “The Lord of the Rings Edition Pizza Wheel” priced at $199.00. It’s a silver pizza wheel with a black embellished handle and gold accents. The wheel is etched with elvish script like the One Ring from LotR.

Capitalism has jumped the shark.

Sometimes I’m like “how do people not know the difference between a gunshot and a firework?”

But then I’m a mom of (almost) ten years and I still struggle to differentiate play screaming and hurt screaming from my own kids.

Aren’t you always a cutie patootie?

Donald Trump is a pedophile and a terrorist

So I guess it was either World War III or drag queens reading books to our children.

The Goose has his first band concert tonight and I am a proud Mother Goose about it.

MY ASS IS SORE AND IT HURTS TO
SIT ON THE FUCKING TOILET

SPIN CLASS IS THE DEVIL

Yeah, my country is going to war, repealing rights and protections plus terrorizing citizens but the fast food CEOs are trying to one up each other on social media so that’s nice…

HAVE YOU TRIED THE CHICKEN BACON RANCH CHALUPAS?

SPIN CLASS IS STUPID AND MY ASS HURTS NOW

I just remembered Emus are Australian and distinctly so.

I ate them for your delicious hand sweat.

Gonna be honest, ostriches have Australian vibes.

If you hate cats, I don’t trust you.

Honoring The Abscess of Everlasting Tarnation

I am not alone!

Light things on fire?

Emotional overshare time.

My dad got veneers before his disease got worse. I get so irrationally angry when I see pictures with the veneers because they don’t fit his face and it’s not what he looked like for most of my life. He looks silly with those fucking chompers.

Playing Stardew Valley.

Vodka, tomato juice, and boba.

A Bloody Mary Poppins.

A photo of an ice cream machine with a sign reading, "Anything is possible with ice cream." Beneath that is a hand lettered sign reading, "No ice cream".

2026 basically

Mmmm this is very true.

ITS SHELL

Nika, get help. 🫶🏼

Very good advice for when you really wanna do a thing, but are afraid. <3