Mal Duffy

The baby: *upset*
Me: Shhhhhhhhhh. Shhhhhhhhhhh.
The baby: Well when you put it that way…🥱

Old trash cans

Serious question: how do you throw away old trash cans

Preemptively mourning for when my baby no longer fits her entire body on my chest

They really need to market Uncrustables to breastfeeding moms. You can put them right in your bra to thaw

Thank you!

Bluesky is bullshit because this got no likes

Between the baby, the dog, and me after surgery, “Big pooper!” is now the highest compliment bestowed in our household

Oh left boob, why can’t you be more like right boob

‘You Can’t Let This Happen,’ Says Fundraising Email From Sitting U.S. Congressperson

‘You Can’t Let This Happen,’ Says Fundraising Email From Sitting U.S. Congressperson

I had a baby yesterday

At the OB a few months ago I asked about stocking up on birth control for after pregnancy and they acted like I was crazy but now I wish I had insisted on it

It’s so strange to have a baby in your belly that has the hiccups

I’m having a baby in 8 days

My phone was listening to me all day yesterday at my baby shower because the fear-mongering is out of control today

Whatever happens, never forget: READING FOR PLEASURE has the biggest positive impact of any factor on children's life chances. So always make time to share books with kids, and help them find books to love. Make reading central to everything you do. It will change their lives forever!
#literacy

Me as soon as I give birth and my gestational diabetes goes away

My dog makes the cutest noises in the goddamned world when she’s dreaming

I’m going to have a baby in three weeks what the fuck

One gorgeous dog (a wheaten terrier)

I mean I know she’s just sitting there but look how friggin pretty she is

My dog doesn’t like me anymore because I smell too different and she thinks I ate a baby

del of ware

I got the diaper deal at Target (spend $100 get a $30 gift card this week) and the cashier said “you must shop here a lot” and I’ll admit, it hurt to be clocked like that

I cut too much hair from my dog’s eyes so she could see better and now she’s mad at me

ALL PEOPLE NEED TO PEE AND TO CRAP OFF AND SOME TIMES YOU CANT DO IT AT HOME!!!! IT SOULD BE LEGAL TO USE ANY BATH ROOM YOU WANT ,A MANAGER OF A STORE IS A PEEPEE COP, A OWNER OF A STORE IS THE SHIT POLICE, PEOPLE WILL ALWAY'S TAKE THE SMALLEST AMOUNT OF POWER THEY HAVE AND USE IT TO TORTURE US,,,, ALSO LEGALIZE PUBLIC URINATION IF YOUR NOT GONA LET ME EMPTY OUT IN A STORE, ITS ONLY USED TO PUNISH UNHOUSED PEOPLE ANY WAY, AND SCARE DA REST OF US FROM PISSIN BEHIND A DUMPSTER, YOUR JUST GONA THROW IT OUT ANYWAY , AND DA TEXT SAYS "ONCE A CUSTOMER ALWAYS' A CUSTOMER - LET ME USE YOUR BATHROOM" - DASHARE.ZONE ADMIN - ALSO SIEZE ALL WEALTH OF BILLIONAIRS AND USE IT TO BUILD HOUSING FOR EVERYONE WHILE WERE DREAMIN HERE, BUT ,ANY WAY,,,

CUSTOMER'S ONLY - dashare.zone ADMIN

damn this seems like a thing that's totally worth all the articles and panic and whatever other bullshit. thank you liberal and conservative media. really doing gods (rufo, singal, et al) work here 🙏

TELL YOUR SENATORS: Vote NO to appoint actual slime monsters to the president’s cabinet, because otherwise they will vote yes enthusiastically

I for one think democrats maybe should have stormed the capital too

I started washing the baby clothes today. I’m very proud because we already have so much but I haven’t bought a single article of clothing for her. She’s gonna look so friggin cute when she shits and spits up all over herself

I usually am!!

It’s tiring growing a baby out of your own bones and teeth and blood and gray matter