Me: "Where do you wanna go?"
Kids: "Somewhere fun with games and pizza!"
Me: "Ugh..."
Wife: "Well, WWJD?"
Me, later, at Chuck E. Cheese: [flips over table; whips man in giant mouse costume]
Too few places are selling Fish Tacos on #TacoTuesday during Lent.
(*I don't even like Fish Tacos, but I know fast food marketing.)
the championship series in the world baseball classic should be called the north american series
This is my wheel. There are many other wheels like it in the world. But this one is mine. Well, it's technically The Game Show Studios' wheel... but when I'm hosting, I feel like it's mine.
Trump said the Epstein files are a “Democrat hoax”; the polling definitely missed the memo.
📌 A plurality of Americans want Trump impeached over his handling of the Epstein files.
#TrumpsStateOfDelusion
It's that time of year when every fast food restaurant starts advertising their fish sandwiches hardcore, but none of them say "why" they're pushing them for the next 40 days. #LentIsForLovers
Cartoon by Mike Luckovich.
I don't always travel to Chippewa Falls, WI on Valentine's Day, but when I do, it's to perform in a sold-out dinner theater show with @jesterscomedy.bsky.social.
Also: #BlueScreenChallenge!!!
Job Interviewer: "O...k... Um, and what is your greatest weakness?"
Me: [Switches to left arm; gulps; avoids eye contact.]
Job Interviewer: "Uh-huh. And what would you say is your greatest strength?"
Me: [Shoves everything off of their desk; assumes the arm-wrestling position; growls while maintaining eye-contact.]
In honor of Ash Wednesday, might I suggest today be the day we begin to burn the whole thing down? #StopProtectingPedophiles
Going forward, I will be referring to #47 solely as #PresidentRedacted.
Rock me like a hurricane.
This is the kind of #art we should be funding.
If the SAVE Act passes the Senate, I challenge the Hollywood elite standing up against #47 to help the lower-class, disenfranchised voters afford the proper identification files needed to vote this Administration into the street. Put your bank accounts where your mouths are.
I have watched a dozen curling match-ups this Olympics, and I still don't understand it, but I will sucker punch anyone who says it is a dumb sport.
Anytime footage from legal observers exist that contradict whatever lies ICE and DHS are trying to spin.
Is it time?
Remember when orcas were attacking yachts? How do we get them to start that again?
"LET HIM RACE!"
The Beast: "And this is my tea pot, Mrs. Potts."
Me: "Is there a Mr. Potts, Mrs. Potts?"
Mrs. Potts: "Yes. His first name is 'Chamber.'"
Chamber Potts: "We've already met." [Dumps my poop out of his head.]
We rewatched the halftime show and the closing is so powerful. Bad Bunny’s final messages during his Super Bowl performance:
“The only thing more powerful than hate is love.”
“Together, we are America.”
It is impossible to eat applesauce as an adult and not feel/look like a four-year-old.
@ceej.online for National Treasurer.
If #NBC removes the booing of the Vances at the #WinterOlympics #OpeningCeremonies, I'm canceling my #Peacock subscription.
@nbcolympics.bsky.social
Interviewer: "Thanks for coming in to meet with us."
Me: "I appreciate you inviting me."
Interviewer: "Can I get you anything to drink?"
Me: "I'd love a cup of coffee."
Interviewer: "Of course. [Brings me one]"
Me: "Thanks! [Leave with free cup of coffee.]"
Name them
shame them
It's enough to bring a tear to this Minnesotan mid-40s liberal wrestling fan's eyes.
#AbolishIce #IceOut #FuckIce
