saja 🥀🖤

Punch the monkey is really coming out of his shell. he just chewed his caretaker's face off. awww

Listen to Brown men 🤎

is The Human Centipede part of the Marvel or DC universe?

idk whether to pity or admire people who don't understand sarcasm

banned alternate ending logging on

*wife hands me divorce papers*

“I want a regime change”

Completely unrelated, but it took South Koreans 6 hours to stop an insurrection attempt, 10 days to impeach and 3 weeks to arrest their president. He was sentenced to life in prison a week ago. threads.com/@krystal.moment

perfect. no notes

Stop telling people Sir Francis Bacon writes all my posts!

GM 🖤

What we know about the U.S. service members killed in the Iran war Six U.S. service members are reported to have been killed in Iranian counterattacks. Four died in a drone strike against a port in Kuwait, the military said.

Old enough to remember the last time a bunch of old reservists got killed in an illegal war

From L-R:

Capt. Cody A. Khork, 35

Sgt. 1st Class Nicole M. Amor, 39

Spc. Declan J. Coady, 20

Sgt. 1st Class Noah L. Tietjens, 42

If they want me back they have to go fully Woke 2, sorry. Whole hog. I gotta be able to get an abortion there

I'll make it weird, but you gotta be cool about it.

Oops I did it again (got tangled in my neighbor’s wind chimes)

Putting my flesh eating bacteria in an envelope and marking it return to sender, before dropping it off in a mailbox on my way home.

my sister and i love each other so much that sometimes we argue to decide who is the bigger bitch (it's our brother)

When Bluesky was down today I went back to Twitter and was punched in the face by the stench of abandoned aquarium. Milo Yiannopoulos, who I honestly thought was dead, stanning Hillary Clinton. Dem flaks earnestly retweeting Nick Fuentes. It’s time to cordon off anyone left and introduce alligators.

7/10

Not quite bloody enough

*reporting for bitch duty*

i found a camera in my stuffed orangutan

you muggles and your blood moons

i'm not even going to listen to you if you show up at my intervention without at least a side dish

heroin is my stuffed orangutan

Gentlemen, it’s Women’s History Month, so maybe take the initiative and explain what that is.

what a rando online says: we live really close to each other

what i hear: i'm in murdering distance

i went to your poetry jam so you owe me a kidney

here's to the unavoidable horrors of the coming week

my brother always used to hide the last puzzle piece and this is why I shitpost