Teletubbies propaganda

Are we gonna make bandages out of polyester this time? #ww2

I'm not trans, but when I see a grindr profile that reads "no trans" I get the ick and block them.

Watching sports is crazy because I'm watching all these super buff athletes do incredibly hard things and I'm sitting in the stands dipping some popcorn in nacho cheese.

Bro i got novocaine in my mouth, and can't feel anything. Imagine my bowjobs skills right now

Okay I will ❤️

I know it's kinda lower on the priority list, but one reason war is bad is because it accelerates climate change. Like, those bombs and the planes carrying the bombs... so many greenhouse gasses

I don't need alcohol because I get my kicks out of throwing myself into financial ruin every day

The large print giveth and the small print taketh away

Until your trip to London I assume?

But the lake you'd just die haha I could live in the desert

What if I just walked out to the desert and didn't come back lol

I went to the white sands in New Mexico and took a nudie lol

I've got a big ol' booty

Taking fully nude thirst traps in a public restroom lol always fun. Hopefully nobody else needed to use the bathroom

WINGS

Bro, the gym is a horny place for horny people

I love super effeminate gay men so much 😍😍😍 they're so hot

Okay I know nobody else can see it but today I saw the tiiiiiniest hint of a bicep coming in. Oh I'm so excited lol

Sometimes my butt makes me laugh lol

Making eye contact with the waiter as I tuck some of the silverware into my backpack 😐

Pillion is a fantasy. Not real life

This guy gets it.

I can't watch sports because I spend the whole time looking up the athletes on Instagram and looking at shirtless pics

Y'all don't even know how much I hate Bill Clinton

Hate it when I'm trying to jerk it in the mall parking lot and a mall security guard drives up right next to me

Being approachable

I haven't done booty day at the gym in a week and I feel like I'm back to square one. Curse you maintenance phase

I'm on the stair stepper, in front of me is a cute gym bro taking selfies in the mirror.

I 100% saw him fluff his dick a little bit for these selfies lol love it

You should pierce your bellybutton

This bottle of wine fits real nice in my cup holder