07.03.2026 14:19
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I bought a 2-4 of beer yesterday. Or was it a case?
Regardless, here's America's favourite artist from 1985.
Dear America,
Pete Hegseth is strong* He can kick**.
You have no need to worry***.
Yours,
The Completely Successful**** Trump administration.
* Don't think so
** LOL
*** Are you fucking high?
**** Terms and Conditions apply
"You've been hacked!"
I miss my dogs. I do like cats. Love Metallica, but also Steely Dan and Mozart. I wish my father had spent more time-
"We take it back. We'll just bugger off, sorry"
Hang on, now...
You have to blockchain for Likes now.
It's an AI thing, I guess? Everyone's doing it, are you old and type your own posts? ChatGPT says that's gross. You're gross.
Wait, I liked your post you're cool again. That's gross.
Not my original bit, but I used to tell people "Based on my wardrobe, my favorite color is dog hair."
"healthcare" is a BIG lift there.
Back Tuesday to discuss the 1911 hate strike by the white railroad brotherhoods over black workers.
That works, too.
That is the cutest little cat in a Norwegian sweater I have seen this year.
Considered but rejected names for the Iran Quagmire:
Operation Big
Operation Says What?
Operation No Underwear Commando, Baby
Operation When My Dad Is Gone I'm In Charge
Operation Deez (c'mon you have to ask "deez what?")
Operation Don Jr (and Eric, TOO!)
Operation Nice Dick, Bibi - Real Nice
"One time", he says.
Mainers are quite comfortable not seeing Susan Collins' tattoos.
"She's a grandmother, for chrissakes!"
@nytpitchbot.bsky.social, probably.
I get DMs.
"Schmoj, how can I stay calm amidst all the idiocy?"
Well, if you read a Trump or Hegseth quote in Barney Fife's voice, you'll find it eases the sting of being despised by the civilized world.
The irony is physically painful.
It's about time!
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
What's going on, pal? Something got ya down?
KISS news:
"We are giving up the title of Hottest Band In the World. If you think about it, Donald Trump was always the Hottest Band In the WORLD. We apologize to Mr Trump, and order all KISS fans to buy tickets to his next rally in their area. We will edit our live album intros post haste."
Well, you know how that would have turned out.
"DONALD J TRUMP and Jamie Kennedy present..."
"I only speak American and sex predator. With a little Jim Beam chaser."
President Donald J Trump said something stupid today.
Sorry, that was unclear. I meant convicted felon and suspected pedophile Donald J Trump said something stupid today.
[Cmon, Schmoj... you need to write more gooder, man]
Dear Mr Trump,
Please stop crapping our pants.
Stephen Colbert has fantastic news for you.
We don’t need to be nice to unsavoury people.
Worked for Trump with English 🤷🏼♂️
Ozzy fans?
I think people undervalued and forget what a great guitar talent Jake E Lee was. And he was a lot fun to watch cuz he's having fun with a great live performance.
I don't love the chorus effect they use to thicken the guitar. Solos sound good, but there's an odd sound sometimes.
Bad Bunny will be conscripted to perform a 30 minute set with intricate choreography, dozens of cast members and musicians, praising the USSR in Russian.
"Vlad, our most popular entertainer of the year - just for you!"
Shit... so now I updated my iPhone and the stupid fucking liquid glass shit is EVEN WORSE.
Who the chickenfried fuck is in charge of design at Apple?! God almighty this is just awful.
Also, prior to updates, my phone and Mac wouldn't share iMessages. Brilliant work, fellas. Top notch.
Italy's equivalent of arm candy is elbow macaroni.