CustardFist

We all have those days, I suppose. 🙄

The movie or the abstract concept?

Cartoon version of me, holding a snot baby, with the slimy umbilical cord still dangling from my right nostril.

Sneezing shouldn’t feel like giving birth and yet, here we are.

Hellooooo seasonal allergies. 🤧

Nobody ever watches the firework show they filmed. I call it the ‘compulsive documentarian fallacy’.

(t-shirts are being printed as I speak)

Ha! Kids. Where do they get their inspiration from? 💁‍♂️

Noice!!!!! 😎👍👍

Dr. Poo. 😏

- - - This is a one panel comic - - - An Amish couple are having a candlelit dinner. Caption: EVERY AMISH GIRL’S STRUGGLE. The girl thinks to herself: IS THIS A ROMANTIC CANDLELIT DINNER OR JUST A REGULAR CANDLELIT DINNER?

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟮𝟲’ 🕯️

So… are they courting or just eating? 🤔

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Nuclear war? Damn... 🤨
Oh well. When I take a picture of the bright white mushroom, I won't have to turn on the flash on my phone. 🙄

- - - This is a comic strip - - - A doctor examines a patient’s feet, which both have turned black and appear to be rotting. The doctor says “WELP… YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.” The doctor leans over his patient's face and declares in a jolly tone “ONCE THEY GO BLACK, THEY DON'T GROW BACK!” Then the doctor calms down and says “I'M SORRY. WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS THAT WE ARE GOING TO HAVE TO AMPUTATE.”

’𝗚𝗢 𝗕𝗟𝗔𝗖𝗞’ 👣

Meh… Not really funny.

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No, I got it out myself. ✌️😎

“It pronounced Rudy Arsé Holé”

And with those silver prices…

That’s why intrusive shower thoughts are generally safer. 😉

I watched it quickly, before Disney’s lawyer are coming after it.

“I’ll prescribe some Helvetica.”

- - - This is a one panel comic - - - A young guy in swimming trunks lies on the beach with his arm around a jellyfish. He’s convulsing and foaming at the mouth. Caption says: BRUCE AND HIS EMOTIONAL SUPPORT AUSTRALIAN BOX JELLYFISH.

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟰𝟵’ 🪼

What’s your spirit/support animal? Mine is the potbellied pig. 🐷

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Get the cat-heter. 😉

Never let them know your next move. 😎

That looks just like my…. my…
🫵😳

I made another naughty comic. 😜

Check out the top of this thread.👆

- - - This is a NSFW comic strip - - - Page 1/3 Theo is lying face down on a massage table. He says to the masseuse, “So uh… I heard you guys offer a special way of ‘ending’ a massage?” The masseuse replies, “We sure do.” The masseuse explains, “We’re offering ‘Quantum Endings’. For an additional fee, of course.” Theo responds enthusiastically, “Oooooh. That sounds neat!” The masseuse tells him, “Okay. Lie on your back, please.” Theo complies.

Page 2/3 Now Theo is lying on his back. The masseuse says, “Now we both keep our eyes closed for a minute and let the path integrals do their thing.” Theo answers, “‘Kay.” With their eyes closed, the masseuse is simultaneously doing countless different things to Theo, all in a quantum superposition. Theo, still with his eyes shut, enjoys it and exclaims, “Ooooh yeah! I can feel all the possibilities in superposition!”

Page 3/3 Then the masseuse says, “Now look!!!” They make the observation and the wave function collapses. It turns out that Theo’s genitals are now in the mouth of a honey badger. Theo shouts in shock, “IS THAT A FUCKIN’ HONEY BADGER?!?” The masseuse replies, “Oh wow. That ending was highly improbable.”

’𝚀𝚄𝙰𝙽𝚃𝚄𝙼 𝙴𝙽𝙳𝙸𝙽𝙶’ ⚛️

Applied quantum mechanics in a surprising way. 😉

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That’s just Venus or something.

They need to pull themselves up by your bootstraps, I guess.

- - - This is a one panel comic - - - Caption: KYLE ACTUALLY ENJOYED DOING THE KNIGHT SHIFTS. Kyle is doing the (k)night shift at a convenience store, dressed as a knight in full armor. He is selling cheap beer to a confused homeless man. Kyle: THAT WILLE BE TWO PENCE, GOOD SIRE, AND I THANKE YOU. Homeless man: WHA?!?

’𝗥𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗢𝗠 𝗙𝗟𝗨𝗙𝗙 𝟭𝟮𝟱’ ⚔️

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I sympathize with the ethanol enthusiasts. I only drink on days with an “a” in them. 😎🥃

a man holds a folder in front of a bulletin board that says " discipline " Alt: Tobias Fünke licks the tip of his pen and notices how good the ink tastes.

I think I got that reference. 😉

Valentine’s night. Bottle of good wine and dinner for two. Regret eating two dinners.

Last night. 🙄🫃🏻

- - - This is a comic strip - - - Joseph Erkhoff approaches Maria in a café, dressed as a huge egg. He’s holding flowers and chocolate and he’s going for it, nervously. Joseph : HEY HI, MARIA. ERRRM… I WANTED TO ASK IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE MY VALENTINE? Maria looks at him, unimpressed and uninterested. Maria: BEFORE I SAY NO, TELL ME WHY YOU’RE DRESSED AS AN EGG. Joseph starts wailing. Joseph : BECAUSE I DESPERATELY WANNA GET LAID!!! Maria turns her back on him and takes a sip of her drink. Maria: UH-HUH. AND I BET YOU’RE FULL OF PROTEIN TOO.

’𝑶𝑽𝑬𝑹 𝑬𝑨𝑺𝒀 𝑽𝑨𝑳𝑬𝑵𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑬’𝑺’ 💗🥚

Yet another story about our ‘forever alone guy’, Joseph Erkhoff.
Happy Valentine’s Day!

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a group of people are dancing in front of a panda gif sign Alt: People stampeding toward the comment section to point out a spelling mistake in a post.

En mass!