Bofa

I can’t even manage to get myself to get up and go to bed

That dog was better than I deserved.

Part of me wants to do my normal bedtime routine and get on my laptop for a while but it doesn’t feel right.

It doesn’t feel right to try to do something I enjoy. It doesn’t feel right to do “normal.”

I haven’t even cleaned the tears off of my glasses all day because it feels like erasing her somehow.

All of that means more to me than you know to read, but at the same time, I’m struggling to accept it. To let myself accept any kind of comfort.

I just keep thinking about things I could’ve done. Should’ve done.

I’m trying not to make it anyone else’s problem and not to be complaining and struggling so publicly but it just hurts. And I don’t know what else I can do.

I know I’m repeating myself, but I just feel so weak and empty and heavy. Everything feels wrong.

It still doesn’t feel entirely real, somehow? Idk how to word anything.

There’s so much going through my head, so many thoughts and feelings that I can’t sort them. I cant even figure out how to put them into words

I don’t know who I have to lean on other than online friends.

She was always what I leaned on. My comfort when I was struggling.

I keep thinking I hear her. I keep seeing little things that remind me of her.

I just feel lost and empty. I don’t know what to do. Everything feels wrong.

I don’t know. I’ve been trying to talk to some of my other friends about it but I feel guilty bothering them about it. I feel like I’m dragging them down with me.

I don’t even know if I feel sad anymore.

I just feel kinda empty.

Everything feels wrong.

Sorry I’m being so depressing.

I just don’t know what to do. Or who to talk to. Or much of anything right now

Part of me wants to try to get on the computer like I normally would but it feels wrong.

I feel wrong

I just keep thinking about all the things that there’ll never be again

I feel bad even laying down to cry.

Less than an hour ago I was laying like this and she was in my arms. Now I won’t have that again.

It feels cold without her

She’s gone.

It doesn’t feel right getting back in the car without her.

Only an hour left.

It doesn’t feel right.

2 hours.

It feels wrong knowing she won’t be with me much longer

I’m not a very spiritual person, but I hope there’s something after. That she’ll be around. That she’ll be waiting for me after.

I wish she could understand English so I could let her know how much she means to me. How much I love her. How much she helped me get through. How much I’ll miss her.

I’ve had my dog for about 15 years. And now I just had to make an appointment.

She’s only going to be with me for about another 18 hours.

I hope I’m making the right decision

Pretty!

My weakness…

Pretty lady referring to herself as “mommy” and telling me what to do…