Gary Delaney Comedian

Agreed. It’s a short. As are Palantir and loads of the others but really this is just a joke about chips not financial advice.

I’m not saying we’re behind American on technology but their biggest chip maker is called Nvidia and worth five trillion dollars whereas ours is McCain.

I grew up round there

That may feature

They may feature

The first person who had the idea for post-it notes immediately forgot about it as he had nowhere to jot it down.

Lazy joke research warning?

What’s a good popular reference for things that aren’t as big as they pretends? Like big packets of crisps that don’t actually contain much when you open it up, that sort of thing?

The hardest part of a Greek divorce is glueing all the plates back together.

If there was such a thing as the Autumn Olympics Britain would be top of the medal table.

I tried to get an audiobook from the library but they were all out so I had to use a braille replacement service.

If my Uncles attempted murder-suicide taught me one thing it was the importance of sequencing.

Flipping pancakes today! With bloody sugar and bastard lemon juice.

These genealogy test have gone too far. My Scouse Uncle is now claiming that he’s a fifth Beatle.

I’m known as the sex bomb because I’ve got a two inch fuse and explode very quickly.

Today we hear the story legendary British blues guitarist Slim McGee who, according to legend, once met the Devil at a roundabout.

Top Tip. Save money on expensive noise cancelling headphones by putting a blank tape in an old walkman and turning it up to maximum volume.

My parents have zero tolerance for drugs. So they do get very high.

I did ask Grok and it referred me to me which wasn’t very helpful.

@stuartgoldsmith.bsky.social Hello Stuart. Quick questions. Are there any good episodes of ComComPod on routining? I need to a put a show in order. I know how I do it (kinda by feel) I’d like to know how others do it especially if they’re a bit like me.

I bought a self assembly bookcase but it didn’t work so I had to make it myself.

My driving instructor girlfriend referred to premature ejaculation as overtaking on the inside.

When I worked as a barman and I dropped a glass people cheered,
When I worked as a waiter and I dropped a plate people clapped,
But when I worked as a pall bearer...

My driving instructor said you should always keep both hands on the steering wheel at ten to two, so at any other time it’s okay to drive one handed.

I saw a sign at the opticians. ‘Children should not be left without supervision’ I thought if they had that they wouldn’t be in the opticians.

When my Dad found out I’d been sneaking out at night to go to clown school he soon wiped the smile off my face.

Twister is the best board game. Hands down

My Buddhist friend always says you only live once, so he’s a terrible Buddhist.

Having a photographic memory was rubbish in the 80s. It took 28 days to remember anything and then it usually had a thumb in it.

Jesus died for our sins so I like to make sure he gets value for money.

My Buddhist friend always says YOLO so he’s a terrible Buddhist.