beef boy

liking Dune has genuinely become a red flag for me. Why do you wanna look at timothee chalamet? Why do you read?

horror movie idea: you go into sex shop and notice that all the dildos match your cock

I’m on five rn

I have a team of surgeons controlling my every action and if I deviate from their demands they knock me out and surgically attach another nipple

turns out the president does have a big "gas price" lever. it opens the bomb doors

computer, piss me off

at Chipotle asking the burrito guy to “slop me up pup”

a lot of centrists love platner because their idea of the “average American” is a moderate progressive with nazi tattoos

half a suburban high school's worth of people control whether or not you can eat this week

I've followed my family tree and these fuck-ass dead guys have been in this country for 300 years on all sides.

We Are Mr.Pussy

i shouldn't have to tell people about major life events. they should be able to divine it from my vibes

leaked windows 12 feature: opening file explorer costs 12 cents

i go through a tub a day. increased prices in petroleum products will have my family on the streets.

sure you're worried about "gas prices" but have you considered how difficult it's gonna be for people like me, who like to coat themselves in petroleum-based jelly each morning??

sharpening my tight five on hinge. It's not funny and no one is laughing but it is a captive audience which is better

If they want me back they have to go fully Woke 2, sorry. Whole hog. I gotta be able to get an abortion there

i am so glad democrats are finally talking about R

that’s crazy because target can gargle the sweat from my balls and maybe taint

actress tilly norwood has been deleted after being found unconscious next to a script containing a mistyped wildcard. she was 0

they almost made his drop his croissant

still zero. no sheep near me for the past three days

is “blood moon” a good sign?

it’s crazy that they’re so down to bring back Jesus like that guy isn’t casting a spell to turn their insides into outsides the second He finds out about any of the shit they’ve done

Minecraft tilled dirt block

looking at photos of myself with sex trafficker and pedophile Jeffrey Epstein and shaking my head so everyone knows I disagree

Iran is closing the straight homos or something

“song of myself” bitch you cannot sing

someone should've told walt whitman to shut the fuck up

Viola Davis so happy about Michael B. Jordan winning a SAG award that she transcends time space and white supremacy.

When it finally happens: