ticket to vibe

yeet or be yeeted

POV: what being blue-pilled looks like

american pharmacies are just thinely veiled convenience stores

if our body is a sanctuary then the right offering for the alter after 12am is not redbull vodka

tepid tipping take

service that should be tipped that’s not a cultural norm:

your fitness instructor

service that’s tipped that shouldn’t be a cultural norm:

coffee order

the manager of month at taco bell goes to karoline leavitt

2025 is when trump becomes as inconsequential as biden but in a different way

Brisbanana

knowing the popemobile will be in chicago codified this city to be even more gotham

Oh what so presidents are supposed to follow the law now? Grow up

Ah, yes! The decision paradox!

His sequal, Consider the Knock Knock is also funny!

my autocorrect changed vibram toe shoes to *victim* and I say - why yes, that is correct

if you aren't carding me for kombucha then don't card me for the rack of NAs, Tina

Is oregon prettier than washington because its closer to california

things I never thought I would say: I have less civil rights than my grandma

keeping $3k cash on you, like girl, go deposit that bribe money

Saw white smoke at the Rice Krispies factory. They must have chosen a new Pop.

the POTUS not firing hegseth is just his negligence to US safety showing itself

him: i don’t want to watch brooklyn 99 I think it’s dumb humor

*watches tires by shane gillis

me: so you think the 99 is dumb humor and this is not?

him: yes

the steady state of men is contradiction and the persistent pursuit of penis jokes don’t let them fool you

This is known as a “Holy Ghost”

substack is giving tumblr but of the 2020s

she forgot her chapstick in the car

morgan wallen, a cool musician, *closing a performance*: “praise the lord and go vols!”
the people: 😍😍😍

mark hamill, a cool dem: *promos jesus thing*
the people: “guillotine him”

Ah yes, a double fermentation

acupuncture is fake medicine how is it impossible to book a day-of or next-day appointment within a 30 mile radius

#colossalbioscience what hasn’t been reported is when the “Dire Howl” lo-fi track will be dropping on spotify.

watch out copilot is soooo hallucinating

my primary reason for voting mamala was economic based

& I don’t even feel the need to gloat “.. this is what you voted for..” to my DT-voting family members

because of the abject wreckage of layoffs & income insecurity the administration condemned them to is so distressing

instead of butter lettuce we b buying cabbage