Cool Hand Luka

heading to St. Louis for a work thing, hit me with your top arches I should check out

heading to an elementary school talent show

still looking for it

don’t talk to me until I’ve had my energy waffle

sure, you can get beef jerky just about anywhere these days, but there’s only *one* place where you can get the whole beef jerky experience

finally, a place to buy shoes like the ones they have on Broadway, a street most famous for its shoe shopping

You should be flattered. Have you seen his wife’s cans?!

Hi Stuart Scott’s Eye! 👋

Hi!!!

this is the flagship Costco too, so I kind of respect the big brass balls of doing this directly beneath the gaze of Costco HQ

He’ll rightfully treat SVU as a public service and make it run ad-free

shoutout to the couple enjoying dinner in a Costco aisle (?) while sitting in the display office chairs (??) and putting their hot dogs directly atop the products on the shelf (???)

carving jack-o-lanterns with two kids who are *very* particular about their designs while I have a sinus infection, what could possibly go wrong

go Mariners, if you ask me

we’re scrimmaging, bitches

I’m not saying Jane Goodall fucked the chimps, but I *do* assume she could objectively recognize which ones were the sexy ones

Costco food court across the street ❤️

meet me at the Costco corporate offices if you want an ass kicking

my son held up this tortilla and said “wow, this looks just like Dad’s back!” and it’s unquestionably the hardest I’ve ever been owned

“Toxicity is so cool! What’s it about?”

“Uhhhh it’s about helping people who need help”

I helped my kids clean their rooms the other day while we listened to some rock playlist.

I left the room for a couple minutes while the playlist was going and uh long story short my kids are diehard System of a Down fans now

Come to the Redmond Derby Days bike parade if you want to get your ass kicked in front of a thousand horrified children

been in Kansas for less than an hour and my brother is already peeing off the highway in a field of tall grass, talk about tapping into your roots

“She was really nice!”

Yeah because she’s trying to get your dad to pay her money to show her tits

This is how I find 90% of my stuff

shoutout to the, uh, “forward-thinking” strip club employee who gave my kindergartner a baseball outside the Mariners game

Once again, I foolishly believed my kids when they told me they were starving.

Lmk if anyone wants half of a fish sandwich or most of a hot dog

Killer road trip to @taylorshellfish.bsky.social with my dad and son today. 90° and nary a cloud in the sky.

Kid ate 9 oysters, 3 geoducks, and a comical amount of ice cream. Poor bastard is gonna have the gnarliest shits tonight.

bsky.app/profile/cool...

The 1 lb ones? We’ve always had the small size and the regular size, but not this gallon ziplock-ass gigantic one.