Just4funsa

Ladies will come to me when they have run out of options and/or standards...

I don't sin. I live.

The gap in my resume is from being released into the wild.

Who called it a person spreading the
flu around the office ?

and not an influenzar?

The ides of March are coming if you need ideas about what to get your local emperor.

How long does it take a Happy Meal to start working?

Did you put a cigarette out on your own forehead or are you just happy to see me?

thankful it’s not a fucking leap year

Cooper

paint me like one of your French crullers

Celery is ribbed for no one’s pleasure.

I know this isn't the time for jokes, but also it is precisely the time for jokes

Why would you subject some poor cat or dog to that place in a time like this???

It's not my job to judge people, it's more like a hobby.

not to brag but I’m folding the laundry

OK, the laundry that’s been in the dryer since last weekend

You lost an hour?

Pffft... I once lost like three weeks.

This is absolutely not where I saw myself 5 years ago

*farts majestically*

[serious, poetry reading voice]
good gracious
ass is bodacious

pepperoni has never left me on read

for your birthday i got you a helium balloon because who doesn’t love a slowly deflating reminder that we’re dying on a dying planet

They cost as much as a small car these days, that is where it comes from...

people have gotten way too comfortable with where they’ll drive a golf cart

Sorry i thought your pocket square was a cum rag

The ai filter must have used my nudes as its database.

Wait, what?!?!?!?

I've muted you, please respond

listen, I poop my pants one leg at a time just like everyone else

A brown and white dog with a concerned look sits up straight and looks into the camera. On the floor next to them is an animal skin rug with matching coloring to theirs.

sometimes all it takes is a little subtle messaging to improve your pet’s behavior

When I first joined twitter a big account referred to me as “fresh meat”. Now I feel more like aged bacon.

I think if the lions did a better job in the first few centuries there wouldn't be evangelicals.

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about [spits out feathers]. For some of us, it's the Great Emu War of 1932.