who needs a romantic partner to share intimacy and emotional growth with…
when I’ve got a PITBULL and a VAPE and CHICKEN TENDIES
CHECKMATE romantic industrial complex ✊🏼
The Ohio State University is expected to close ranks and replace him with his hard-line son, further straining an already highly volatile situation in a region that has seen constant conflict over the past several decades
make darth the ceo and no one tell him til he gets back
a pitbull licking a bowl spotless clean
beans takes his role as dishwasher VERY seriously
Clean enough to put right back in the cupboard 👌🏼🤌🏼
wait the new johnny blue skies album has been removed from YouTube?!
::::fart noise::: 👎🏼👎🏼👎🏼
I feel bad for you. Thanks it's been a rough week
Insane Clown Posse V @icp •• • I Don't care what we've said in our raps, woman come No 1. We all owe our lives to wemon.
Happy International Women’s Day
remember to set your clocks back if you subscribe to linear time, WHICH I DO NOT #timeisamyth #BIGTIMELIES #25oclockexists
the path is clear: DOSE CLAUDE WITH A TEN STRIP AND LOCK HIM IN THE VAN
1945 MACtion @MACSports •3m UNBEATEN. UNBLEMISHED. UNFLAPPABLE. The Miami RedHawks have officially completed just the FIFTH undefeated regular season since 1985!! @MiamiOH_BBall | #MACtion Miami RedHawks Men's Basketball UNDEFLATED. Miane
MIAMI 31-OH(mygodthatwasclose)
THEY DID IT
MIAMI OHIO STAYS PERFECT
in non-Beans good news this week, i got confirmation of a BADONK bonus and a THICC merit increase so ya boy is SPENDING IT*
(*putting 100% toward retirement bc i am being a RESPONSIBLE ADULT 🫠)
me anytime graham platner discourse envelops the TL (aka ALL THE FUCKING TIME 👎🏼)
“the disco biscuits are terrible” - the TL lately
“we know” - anyone who’s seen them with working eyes and ears
all these medical issues with Beans is making me ponder if i should get a 2nd pitbull just to be safe…
a pitbull who doesn’t understand microeconomic trends
sorry Beans, gotta shift from the pricey $120/mo primo kibble to the more affordable $35/mo kirkie sig bag to fund your lavish, extravagant life style (medical bills)
a pitbull waiting patiently for more treats at the oncologist’s office
doggie oncologist said beans’ removed mast cell tumors = low likelihood of larger internal cancer issues which is 👍🏻
BUT she noticed an arrhythmia and wants a follow up with separate doggie cardiologist 👎🏼
this dog sure is lucky he’s cute as fuck bc gettin Cadillac medical care 🫠
anytime i have to pay for a transaction, I always hit the cashier/desk/etc with “what?! You gotta pa for goods & services here? What kinda scam are you running?”
they always hate it and glare with the heat of a thousand suns
but that’s show biz baby 🤌🏼
“We are not at war, this was simply a kinetic military action” i state exiting the bathroom
(Toilet status = COMPLETELY OBLITERATED)
‼️SCOOP ‼️ :
It is Friday my guys 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼
a pitbull who obviously missed dad making up for lost time
🎶🎶🎶 reunited and it feeeeeels so goooood🎶🎶🎶
my flight home is delayed 30mins 😤👎🏼
don’t they know I have a dog at home that I miss dearly? Won’t they think of BEANS?! 🫘 🐶
stealing the hotel room bible and leaving a more important piece of spiritual guidance literature in its place
(dennis mcnally’s long strange trip)
7:45pm work dinner is considered torture under the Geneva convention 🫠
this administration’s talking points about the iran war seem well-thought out, sincere, and authentic
(i am also a giant ignoramus)
this hotel king bed is TRASH
(no 55lb pitbull hogging the entire thing 😤)
not my budgeting app dinging me for overspending on my monthly nicotine allotment
LET ME LIVE LATE STAGE CAPITALISM. LET. ME. LIVE. 😤
staying in a hotel so you KNOW im washing my skivvies in the room coffee maker THEN also making a steaming cup o’ joe for myself
(the extra flavor notes are 🤌🏼)
