Mike Palmer

What size are these canisters? Are we talking about small butane canisters (250g) or propane tanks (9kg)? Either way it's expensive - 15,000 Pakistani rupees is about $53.55.

Two can play at this. We can start selling "Stump 250" merch, featuring a pathetic cartoon stump wearing an orange toupe.

250 to life!

I'm morally opposed to long prison sentences, but I'll make an exception.

I love Trump's butchered pronunciations, but we know he's only going to try to say it a few times before he renames it. The only question is whether it will be the 'Strait of America' or the 'Strait of Trump.'

"It's up to you, sir. Only you can prove, once and for all, that MAGA can fuck up the world worse than Dubya."

Absurd, but remarkably appealing to a large fraction of people.

The challenge is to come up with a counter analogy that is at least as compelling to those same credulous people, but also true.

I'll bet Xi knows the answer...

I see it has you pinned down.

There's nothing we can do.

I'm sorry.

"Thank you SIR, and may I have another!"

In Iran right now, hundreds, maybe thousands, of families are laying to rest their family members amid continuing shelling from the US and Israel and wondering if this is what Trump meant when he said, "Help is on the way."

Was that a known unknown or an unknown known?

No Pets.
No Habla Espanol.

I wonder what George AI would say about listening to Glen Beck? Or voting for Donald Trump? Or the Melania movie?

I think the guy on the left must have asked the cleaner to soak his suit in starch...

Not "Rubio!?"

I was thinking next year Footlik might get promoted.

Before I read this I was happy that Tillis thrashed Noem about her dog and her goat and her general incompetence, but now I'm pissed that he wasted his time on those things when he could have thrashed her about things like this.

Or maybe he's looking for his Osama Bin Laden?

Trump says the worst case is that we get a new leader and they might be just as bad as the one before.

I agree: JD is likely to be just as bad, and number three is Mike Johnson... It's just dumbshits, all the way down.

"The Dow is BELOW fifty thousand dollars! Have you thanked President Donald Trump for that?"

If I was a politician, I'd be saying, "Trump could shoot himself in the foot in the middle of Fifth Avenue, and he wouldn't lose any votes!"

I'll bet you refuse to put your left foot in too, don't you?

At least this time the fighter jets are being shot down with our own munitions instead of rolling off the decks of carriers into the ocean. I guess that's an improvement, right?

It wouldn't matter. I believed lots of things in my past that I don't believe now, and did some things I'd never do today. The important thing is that if someone asked about that today I'd explain that I've changed, I'm sorry for things in my past, and I'm not that person any more.

What kind of work do you do???

A big powerful country with years in their eyes...

You can tell he's reading from a script because he says, "I regret."

Advance thoughts and prayers are no more successful or helpful than after the fact thoughts and prayers.

Raytheon Executive: I know you’re skeptical about buying American again. But hear me out. The MIM-104 Patriot is the only surface to air missile system with a proven track record of success against the US Air Force.

Danish Defense Minister: Continue.

Whenever I hear a Texan talk about Bob Wahr, I always think of LBJ.