Native Minnow

Talked to a 40-something man who claims to have never heard Mr. Brightside.

Attention-seeking behavior, right?!?

In a hotel room, a brick wall that has obviously had a huge hole repaired

Pretty sure the Kool-Aid man stayed in this hotel room once

I hope women had a good day.

As I toggle between Bluesky, Instagram, TikTok, Threads, Lemon8, and Reddit I can’t help but think that Elon really Tower of Babel’ed us, didn’t he?

Me, joining yet another social media app:
- Yes, hello. This is my 24th rodeo and I still don't know what's going on.

It's Women's Day, the day when every man assures the world we can't mean him as he's one of the good guys.

If only I could be a reasonable amount of whelmed.

not to brag but I’m folding the laundry

OK, the laundry that’s been in the dryer since last weekend

After a hike I forgot about a dog poo bag I placed at the base of the windshield (slightly under the hood) until it flew out on the highway and nearly hit a tailgating Audi. Closest I’ve come to playing real life Mario Kart.

I just ordered something from a tab I’ve had open for the last four months. Then closed the tab. It can be done. Who knew?

I hate that we're in the timeline where the nuns turn the Von Trapps over to the Nazis.

For sale: sex airplane, barely flown

I hate that we’re in the timeline where the loggers get to ruin Fern Gully

Like the bible says: live by the sword, no worries

not now babe i’m filling the bathtub with wrasslin’ jello

I only look out the window when a really loud car is idling so I can more accurately bestow a curse upon the driver

I normally don’t brag about expensive trips but I just got home from the grocery store.

GF: [Starts getting frisky]

Me: Ooohh put some music on.

GF: Okay!

Speaker, 5 seconds later: 🎶Jesse got trapped in a coal mine, digging in the dark black pearl, Jesse got trapped in a coal mine, never did marry his girl🎶

Sorry if you have a heart attack near me because I only know CCR and Proud Mary’s gonna be the last thing you hear

Infuriatingly evergreen 👇

regime change is a stupid name for overthrowing a nation of millions and leaving nothing in its wake

The last time I felt hopeful about American politics was when Trump had Covid.

Overheard at a bar in NM:

I once took more acid than intended and accidentally killed 100 chickens.

The world could be such a nice place if we allowed it. It's all so goddamn unnecessary. There's no need for any of it. It's so beautiful here. It should be so cool to be alive

i do not have the capacity to process any more horror if you need me i will be lying on the kitchen floor covering my naked body in cold cuts

Going full Michael Douglas in Falling Down because Oral-B keeps changing the floss I like.

Is it illegal war with Iran or is it cake?

The reveal that Aslan was Jesus felt like an enormous betrayal. Here I was enjoying a children's book and then they snuck in church shit? I hope it hurt when C.S. Lewis died.

Look, even though it’s the economical choice, it never feels good buying a handle at the liquor store

great job algorithmic fuck head suggesting songs from my other playlist for my new playlist we are fucking doomed