Solitudinis

disgusting disgusting

I really am just a leech

it shouldnt hurt. i dont want it to hurt. but I can't help it.

a torrent of feelings. incredibly hard to balance the act of "coming to term with your flaws" and also "accepting that it is okay to be flawed". I feel lightheaded if relieved.

I want to be better. Not for you, but for me. Because I realized just how bad it really is. I'm sorry it took so long, and I'm sorry I didn't try sooner. You don't have to forgive me. I just want you to know I am trying. I never wanted to hurt you. I hope I never make anyone feel that way again.

I wonder if you saw how I'm doing now how you'd react. Would you laugh at me. It feels like yesterday we were talking together and now I know if you saw me you'd want nothing to do with me. And that's okay. I can't blame you for that. But I hope if you do see me you acknowledge that I've changed.

Winter Bath 🌨️