Pretty much.
10.07.2024 11:58
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Pretty much.
Thank you for posting a video of your workout on social media- it was just long enough for me to watch while I finished six donuts and a chocolate milk after waking up at 10am.
Me: [ Flirts with Disaster ]
Disaster: [ gets a restraining order ]
Do you have trust issues?
Me:
I sure hope some nice person posts the Super Bowl play by play for all those folks on social media who don’t have a TV yet.
I've never had to go hunt for food to feed my family, but once I had to dig out all the M&M's out of the trail mix at a Super Bowl party.
SUPER BOWL PARTY INSTRUCTIONS:
1) You put your hand upon my chips.
2) When you dip.
3) I dip.
4) We dip.
5) Repeat.
Girl are you a Christmas tree? because you're dead on the inside, you're lit every night & I wanna throw you outta the house after a month.
It's not Christmas unless you cut a tree down, drag it inside, hang some crap on it & water it so you can slowly watch it die for a month.
Flannel? Well plaid lumberjacks, well plaid.
The perfect name for a firefighter does not exis..
[ once a year on Thanksgiving ]
I can't wait to check Instagram tomorrow so I can see what everyone had for Thanksgiving dinner...the suspense is just killing me.
*THANKSGIVING RITUAL*
Overeats → Feels sick
↑ ↓
Wakes up ← Passes out
When someone rudely wakes you up from your nap after Thanksgiving Dinner.
What wine pairs best with tatertot casserole? I'm thinking a Malbec or Pinot Noir.
Went to one of those novelty restaurants where the staff is purposely rude and the waiter banged my date right on the table. Haha classic!
It all went to hell when they stopped showing It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown on free tv
Kiss me, I smell like cheeseburgers and shame.
My airpods died so I had to get yelled at by my wife on speakerphone at the grocery store just like the Pioneers used to back in the olden days.
Your Daylight Saving Time jokes are so one hour ago.
I finally figured out how to adjust the clock in my car for daylight savings time in case anyone needs a mechanic or anything.
The perfect name for a firefighter does not exis..
Anytime someone tells me that they are on a diet in the month of October, November or December.
Maybe she was born with it?
🎶Maybe it's Halloween🎶
You're the sweetest