This is exactly right. The Onion quietly left Twitter a month ago and... our weekly subscribers went up. It's because we're doing well here, on Instagram and on YouTube.
As a business, being on Twitter is somewhere between useless or detrimental, unless you're selling boner pills.
Fuck ICE.
Abolish ICE.
Prosecute ICE.
If you have a problem with that, unfollow me, stop coming to my shows and STOP calling yourself a Christian.
I’ve only seen half of these, will have to catch the other two.
Made it through hump day. Means it's almost sort of the weekend. Soon. Sleep well friends. Family sends love to you all. Hugs 💤💙💤
Un article de La Presse intitulé « Mark Carney annonce le retour des rabais à l’achat de véhicules électriques »
Nous bâtissons un secteur automobile canadien solide où nos travailleurs fabriquent les véhicules de demain, et nous lançons un nouveau programme afin de rendre les VE plus abordables pour les gens.
Parce que dans une économie forte, nous pouvons acheter ce que nous fabriquons.
"It's not sexist. Roger Ailes used to tell us that." 😭
“In our continuing fight to make America great again, it is vital we maintain Republican control of the government so we can ensure the extrajudicial killing of all U.S. citizens at the hands of ICE officers,” said Republican National Committee chair Joe Gruters
KO'ing everyone's 401k the week they started bragging about murdering citizens in the street on camera is the behavior of people who are on actual drugs. Not metaphorically, it's the behavior of people with underlying mental illness on uppers and steroids who are starting to feel cornered.
Backpack Strategically Placed In Theft-Proof Corner Of Concert Hall Floor
Backpack Strategically Placed In Theft-Proof Corner Of Concert Hall Floor https://theonion.com/backpack-strategically-placed-in-theft-proof-corner-of-1819571287/
Maduro's not a good guy, agreed. But neither is Putin, and Trump rolled out the red fucking carpet for him. It's not about dope, it's about oil (which kinda IS dope).
Just when you think Trump has hit the gutter, he bounces lower.
15 or so henchmen training in a 20ft area where there is a shooting range, mats for karate sparring, and a guy with a flamethrower
From Russia With Love is such a funny movie. The Training School for Evil Henchmen is something that bond parodies wished they could do, but they can't, because they already did it as part of a real bond film
You have to go through Congress for anything resembling this type of war. Round up Massie and Paul types and have him removed. The people in this administration are on actual drugs and have insatiable bloodlust and bespoke mental illnesses. He has to go, and everybody with him.
Happy New Year! 🎉
Walking into 2026 like Victor Laszlo ... 🗃️ #HATM
www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOli...
This is true and I was the only one on set excited about it (and playing the song on my phone to blank stares)
This year I’ve spent at least 25% of my vocal exertion replying to things Agent Mulder says on the television and I think I can get that number up to 50% in 2026
An Ezra Klein public speaking profile. His fee is listed as $40k-$70k.
I don’t think I have it in me to be a rich person. For >$40k I’d feel compelled to learn an actual skill like juggling or glass eating. Klein better be able to shoot a crossbow with his butt or something.
The orange felon says the Epstein Files are a “Democratic Hoax” and yet he still felt it necessary to doctor documents and hide evidence whilst redacting everything that would be damaging to him.
That’s called GUILTY AF.
Bird Hunted To Near Extinction Due To Infuriating 'Fuck You' Call
Jimmy Carter's ties and peanut decorated scarves.
Jimmy Carter's cowboy hat and various political campaign pins
Some furniture that Jimmy Carter made. One is a cabinet; the other is a coffee table.
A painting of some people shooting guns in the forest. And two dark wood stools that Jimmy Carter made.
Christie's is auctioning off some things from Jimmy Carter's estate. Included are some things from his wardrobe (ties, peanut scarves, cowboy hat) and furniture he personally made. Auction starts in two weeks.
Chaparral sparkles.
Stephen Miller writes on Twitter: "Watched the Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra Family Christmas with my kids. Imagine watching that and thinking America needed infinity migrants from the third world."
Don't need to imagine, Sinatra had something to say about multicultural liberal democracies 🧵
Stephen Miller • @St... • 13m Ø Watched the Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra Family Christmas with my kids. Imagine watching that and thinking America needed infinity migrants from the third world.
Dean Martin, born Dino Paul Crocetti, son of Italian immigrant Gaetano Crocetti
Frank Sinatra, son of Italian immigrants Antonino Sinatra and Natalina Garavanta
Merry Christmas to everyone except Stephen Miller and his enablers and handlers
Far Side
The most surprising part of Is It Cake? for me is the level of surprise exhibited by the judges when something is revealed to be cake. I mean, it’s in the title
Looks great to me!!
Yeah a Pluribus situation would suck but I could finally live out my dream of conducting a fart orchestra
Article 22 is a jewelry company that repurposes Vietnam War shrapnel and battlefield debris. A portion of their profits goes to the Mine Advisory Group, which works to remove landmines still left in Laos (they've removed more than 300k mines!). I like the company's "Shard" necklace collection.
U.S. pals:
Do. Not. Donate. To. Salvation. Army.
There are better charities out there. Much better.
Screenshot of an article from CBC News. The headline reads: Montreal-Ottawa chosen as first leg of high-speed rail project.
We’re going to build a high-speed rail network that will connect millions of Canadians, build our economy, and create thousands of high-paying careers.
