Julie

Are you sexually active?
No, I am sexually lethargic.

Was I kind today? Did I make a difference? Is someone’s day better because of me? Did I open a portal into another dimension releasing a nameless, ageless evil? Did I speak truth? Did I stay positive?

The human body is 70% water. We are basically cucumbers with anxiety.

The universe glitched when I bought one of my old tweets printed on a towel in Altar’d State and now I’m in a completely different dimension.

People following you here who followed you on twitter feels very “in every timeline, in every universe, I will find you and love you.”

Tried to trim my dog’s nails and accidentally went too short and now I have a guilt complex and a dog who still needs her nails trimmed

A Father’s Day cheers to everyone whose father’s behavior taught you what type of people to avoid 🥂

My 10 year plan is to wait 9 years 11 months & then absolutely slay

There comes a moment in every woman’s life where she realizes Cinderella isn’t about being saved by a price - it’s about a dad who allows his daughter to become a slave so he can get laid.

I was on the fence, but this confirmed I’m in the right place 😂

We’ve now reached the, “Sorry, it’s too hot to do anything,” portion of my year - not to be confused with the seasons of
-Sorry, it’s too rainy to do anything
-Sorry, it’s too cold to do anything
-Sorry, there’s too much pollen to do anything

you can't be good at posting and have any control over your life, its like oil and water

And the best part is, by the time they all sleep in, you can’t anymore because you’re accustomed to being awake at these hours.

This feels like Twitter years before Melon took over

I came here to kick ass and take names, and I already forgot your names.

If I were in the army, my job title would be General Anxiety.

No one is destroying pillows. Nothing to see here.

I can’t breathe through my nose but I’m hyped up on energy drinks and spite, so yeah, I’d say my day is going fine.

guys will be like “u dont know what i’ve been through” then just describe the consequences of their own actions.

me: *pulls into gas station*

google maps: and just what in the fuck do u think ur doing

i’m done with unimaginable horrors, it’s time for a nice incomprehensible duck.

Sometimes I just want to say, “Great job!” and be positive but I’m always thwarted by professional ethics since someone would have to actually do something correctly for me to say it.

"i could fix him"

big whoop. i could psychologically destroy him with a single home-cooked meal