d.ly

i feel like this is all happening cause we stopped pumping up the jam

so come on take your time and sit with me

(joan jett voice)

i love sitting down
sitting on the couch and sitting, baby

fine.

This is my boyfriend Dylan, I say, a gun held to my head

you’re sick, you know that?

wait isn’t dillo short for dilliam?

girl named Dylan, MAYBE

it should be socially acceptable to lick your plate clean if the meal was so good it moved you to do so

why are taters the only thing we’ve totted

say what you will about me but I would never date a guy named Dylan

i'd post nudes before my passport photo

ok brag about it

here is my document for permission to enter your country. it includes a picture of me under fluorescent, next to a fridge of energy drinks just to the left, by an employee who couldn't give a shit. please let me see your culture

“have you seen this man? please give him a piña colada with a little umbrella in it”

“you’re not supposed to look good, it’s just supposed to look like you” is a third degree burn

First time I saw The Apprentice, I thought, "Hopefully someday I will be informed of this man's every bruise or skin condition."

tbf I can’t think of a more cursed location to do that

why can’t they just touch our faces at the border???

4D

I’ve never been so convinced that I’m the Zodiac Killer

the examples of baby passport photos kill me. “yes here is my lump. he is unlike the other lumps”

border agent looking at my photo: “it’s givinggg murderer, queen!”

this is such a great way to frame it, ty

mine said I was “so photogenic!” and then I got the prints 🥹

Morty’s kid taking my passport photo would kill me

don’t let this ugly ass bitch in your country

there is nothing more humbling than getting passport photos taken

I'll post dick pics when Bluesky goes 3D

hell hath no fury like a bluesky moderator or staff member who’s been slightly offended