Mx. Dahlia Belle

I'm on a mission to discover the maximum amount of @$$ my frame can carry 🍑

I wish you were eligible to serve as President. I'd endorse you in a heartbeat.

You're too young to claim auntie. That would make me a granny 👵🏿 lol

I'm torn. Do I hate making decisions because I'm a submissive bottom or because I like blaming others for outcomes? 🤔

Men (ALL men) confound me. Like how can you have interacted with men and normal people and still want to be associated with men? 🤯 There's no way being a trans man is a choice.

Sadly, as an absurdist, I feel obligated to watch the State of the Union tonight

How dare you ask me to remember something? I've spent 1000s of dollars and nearly 3 decades of substance abuse to forget all that shit.

Am I asexual or have I lived around too many white people all my life? 🤔

Dear RFK Jr.,

My guy... snorting cocaine off of toilet seats is a choice. Cars have hoods. Did you not have a key or know someone else with one? Could you not find a pen cap? You don't even need the entire pen. Tf is wrong with you!?

My doctor says I can't have sex for another month, but what if, hypothetically speaking, I was addicted to getting dicked down, and will literally die a physical death if I don't get some dick in me soon?

What then? 🫨

This isn't a humble brag. I'm fucking gorgeous 💅🏿

I rarely do the same set twice. It's just not as much fun for me.

Fr, tho 🤬 lol

Nope 😭 and now I don't believe in anything. It's the one thing I wished for.

Santa's only got a few more hours to put Anthony Joshua up in me before I stop believing in miracles

a tractor with a hose attached to it is spraying water on a car . ALT: a tractor with a hose attached to it is spraying water on a car .

I'm a little afraid to go anywhere with this gushy geyser glazing the globe

Y'girl's got that WAP WAP. New pussy sloshing errwhere 🌮💦

Every discussion had this year feels like something we had already resolved a decade ago.

Algebra was easy in Ancient Rome.

X = 10.

What follows is my attempt to sum up the whole of queer theory: I have gay sex. Class dismissed.

I'll be doing a Thanksgiving dinner crawl today, to make sure I make everyone's day a little more awkward.

Good morning, little friend 😍

YOOOOO!!!!! The homie @myqkaplan.bsky.social is dropping a new special to the YouTube this Wednesday. Check it out!

Not just in *your* book, but in fact.

It's getting darker earlier. So, don't forget to close your blinds, so people don't be looking up in your booty-hole. You gotta beware of booty-hole lurkers filling up booty with the evil eye 👁

The reason most people are unfamiliar with the distinction between pedophilia and hebephilia is because most people aren't pedophiles.

In the US, law enforcement isn't just legally allowed to lie to you, they're ENCOURAGED to. OTOH, your lawyer is legally prohibited from lying to you and can lose her license for it.

Which of those professions, though, do you reflexively associate more with lying?

You're not immune to copaganda.

It's trending for every polyamory podcast to rap their take on the ranking of humans, dinosaurs, and dogs and this whole thing is a bit derivative and pandering to the algorithm. But, ya know, just incase you were looking for the Amateurs take on the matter (full context in this week's ep):

I can never shake the feeling that a bisexual man with a pretty dick and bubble butt would solve 💯% of my problems

*I am ALWAYS accepting applications