Pierrotoracle ⚰️ clown dumbass

Caitlin KALINOWSKI over X I resigned from OpenAl. I care deeply about the Robotics team and the work we built together. This wasn't an easy call. Al has an important role in national security. But surveillance of Americans without judicial oversight and lethal autonomy without human authorization are lines that deserved more deliberation than they got. This was about principle, not people. I have deep respect for Sam and the team, and I'm proud of what we built together.

OpenAI head of robotics just resigned over company deal with the Pentagon saying…

“Surveillance of Americans without judicial oversight and lethal autonomy without human authorization are lines that deserved more deliberation than they got”

i am far too medicated and far too talented to let myself waste time being unwanted when i could just be on my own making art. i’ve been being told i need to work on community but i think i need to just work on learning how to protect my mental better before i bother

it’s not that i hate being alone it’s just that i hate being bored but there’s nothing i hate more then feeling pathetic and unwanted id rather live in a cave away from all of humanity then feel embarrassed like that.

i need some alone time. if misery loves company, then what does solitude say?

everyone is far too nonchalant i’m literally never going to be that way how boring,, half the people who think they aren’t nonchalant just have fucking anger issues,, but i just love to be excited and eager and outwardly affectionate, avoidants hate to see me coming

They know I’m smoking weed in here and they’re gonna take my Nintendo

Whenever I hear sirens outside my brain is like “Yuuup, that’s for me, I killed 2-maybe 300 men and I just don’t remember.”

Stuck in this awful gray area of "I'm relieved to know I wasn't just making it up" but also "I desperately wish I were making it up and would find out I'm wrong"

We don’t talk enough about how morally depraved the tech industry turned out to be. Every single ounce of their self-regarding statements of values was an outright lie.

i had a lot of complex emotional feelings last night about all the things happening in my life but now i just feel tired and empty which is a lot easier 🙂‍↕️

wake up: delete pathetic vent thread, acknowledge that no irls follow me here, carry on as if my secret journal isn’t actually just a public platform.

i might be having a little menty b but i’m also sober, safe and reaching out to my trusted mental health care professional! now that’s what i call respsonsbsible calm cool and collected

now what do i do? no one else is responsible for me and i don’t want them to feel responsible 4 me and i cant afford to uber 4 times a day anyways but now what do i do i cant afford the glasses i need to be able to see for driving and i dont feel safe ubering anymore and i cant believe he touched me

i shouldn’t have let him get in the bag seat with me i should have ran but i froze

i didn’t know what to do i wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt i wanted to hope it was okay and the entire time i was punching myself internally because i was being naive and hopeful and to assume that someone has good intentions and i don’t know but i don’t know i should have said something

it’s hard to never ever feel good. i remember what it was like to feel good, i remember. i wish i could forget so that that i can stop hoping that maybe tomorrow i might feel good again. it makes it harder as my bones crack into place and i realize it will be another day of sheer struggle

i can’t believe i literally got assaulted in an uber and i just froze up. and i told people and no one really reacted and i didn’t react and now his hands sit in the bottom of my stomach like blocks of rough stone.

i want my mom

kind words. i can suffer and it is not anyone elseresponsibility but if i am witnessed while i struggle people seem to assume they are being made responsible and then resent me for that, mean while i could just be alone and be alone and be alone and not have to worry anyone and be alone and be alone

every 8 months i get on blueskye to spiral completely out of control and then i reeel it all back in and it never happened and im okay and nothings wrong with anything ever.

the only reason why i vent on her is because im 99% sure i have no irls on here and i need a blank wall to talk to jts nothing personal its not about anyone else its about just getting my feelings out so i dont drive myself insane

there is something deeply wrong with me

i don’t have any irls on here and i don’t want anyone to see this i don’t want anyone to see me im going to hide away im done.

i’m just at this point i personally might just have something so wrong inside me that i can’t see it or feel it, but it must be rotting out enough that everyone else can smell it and as soon as they get close enough they can tell im no good no good no good

about this person and it’s just… idk. i feel dead. i want to rip my hair out amongst other things. i really must come across as this disgustingly pathetic creature. i’m not i’m not im not. i don’t need this i just put in the work because i want it to work because i care and i love them.

that they must really not realize that they do not mesh well with me and we are forcing a circle into a square here. they told me they felt like they were walking on eggshells with me… but i’ve felt that way for like most of our friendship too… what do we do? how can we fix this…. i really care

i’m not perfect i have fault here im not a perfect person but im trying so so hard i dont know what else i can do.
i dont think they are lying i think they genuinely feel what they are saying i jsut feel atp with how these conversations keep going

maybe that’s the lesson and i need to just accept that i need to be alone. there truly must be something deeply wrong with me. how can i share genuine excitement and enthusiasm and be seen as such an embarrassing suffocating beast of annoyance and AAAAAA im just trying to be genuine. no no no

the right direction finally, everytime i think that it rebounds right into my face. i’m sorry and i don’t want to sound self deprecating but this is my on private vent post where no one really knows me; but maybe im just not meant to have friends

and i don’t think i can fix it, so i think i just want to disappear. just a few nights ago i had the time of my life, everything felt so bright and fun and wonderful. apparently i take people too literally? fighting over something this silly, breaks my heart. i felt like all was going to go in