Life’s too short to reach the top shelf.
06.03.2026 19:20
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Life’s too short to reach the top shelf.
1. No. Great show, deserves to rest in peace.
2. Without Tudyk? Hell no.
I sometimes do something I call “Sondheiming,” which involves narrating my life in halting melodic phrases that intermittently rhyme.
“Your ass is writing checks your mouth can’t cash” is just as intimidating as the original, with the added advantage of being deeply unsettling.
One of my mom’s complaints about my dad was that when he told people stories from his life he freely embellished them.
And my thought has always been “Well, yeah. It’s a story, not congressional testimony. That’s how stories work.”
Dear Psychology:
What the fuck did I ever do to you?
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
There are non-slutty druids?
This is Eli (@eli4theworld.bsky.social)
For BDSM scenes, I read “The Topping Book,” which is about kink. For the aftercare, l read “The Topping Book,” which is about things to put on ice cream.
Like, someone saying “I need a bouquet of roses, a box of chocolates, and two condoms” is infinitely funnier than “…and a condom.” But that’s because “two condoms” is essentially the only funny thing in that line.
Hmm. You may be right. But I feel like it has a very mild Cow Tools issue, in that it makes you think about why two condoms, essentially introducing a second joke. You have to be careful with sub-jokes.
That wa something I thought about. A box of condoms is too much and a sleeve of Ritz is too little. But “sleeve” is the funniest word in the bit and I couldn’t think of a smaller container of condoms than a box.
In retrospect “a condom and a sleeve of Ritz” would have been a better choice.
…and now I’m dating one of them.
I feel obligated to report that I’ve spoken to one of the people at the event to which I refer, and what I thought was an established, closed group of friends was actually a number of autistic people who didn’t know each other, but who had spontaneously decided to sit in a circle and do crafts.
Remember when the Internet wasn’t completely exhausting? Except for Usenet, of course.
Do not say you wouldn’t kick me out of bed for eating crackers, I swear to God I will show up at your door with a box of condoms and a sleeve of Ritz.
To the tune of “I Want Candy”
Okay, Robert, let’s look at your Rules of Order. The person is charge is said to…have the chair?”
“Correct.”
“And the one who’s speaking?”
“…has the floor.”
“And it says when you postpone a motion…”
“You table it.”
“I sense a pattern.”
(Hiding flyer for Robert’s Woodworking) “No you don’t.”
Simpsons Season 3, “Homer Alone.” The kids are staying with Patty and Selma, and those are the only things they have to drink.
Almost 35 years on, and “We've got Clamato, Mr. Pibb, and soy milk” still fucking murders me.
ROFLCOPTER is actually a combination of PTER, meaning “wing” and ROFLCO, meaning “rolling on the floor leaking carbon monoxide.”
I just performed a task on my phone that took three minutes and about which I have been having small panic attacks for three weeks. ADHD is a superpower my ass.
Perfect reply.
Mambo? No, 5!
Me (bursting into the room): Who the fuck is John and what are you doing with him on March 16th?
My Christian girlfriend: This isn’t working.
I took some time to really think about who I am, and I realized that, despite my self-confidence, I’m not always perfect at things the first time I try them.
It was an amazing insight, really. I’m so glad I understand myself completely now.
“I’m done hiding, now I’m shining, like I’m Barnaby.” — Golden, as sung by someone named Barnaby
I just learned that there’s a type of building called a “famine folly,” and it makes me sad that somewhere out there, there’s a goth band looking for a name that doesn’t know that.
youtu.be/s7FDWao4t88?...
Very nice!