I was casually discussing the careers of Ronnie Corbett and Danny DeVito with my colleague when my boss came along and said enough of this small talk.
#Lunchpun
10.03.2026 12:00
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I was casually discussing the careers of Ronnie Corbett and Danny DeVito with my colleague when my boss came along and said enough of this small talk.
#Lunchpun
My innovative pneumatic drill design is ground breaking.
#Lunchpun
It was pouring with rain, and Johnny Nash was struggling to cross a beach infested with langoustine. When it stopped, he said...
"I can see clearly now the rain has gone, I can see all lobster claws in my way."
#Lunchpun
I've a horrible feeling our upcoming camping trip is going to be a disaster.
Portent?
Yes, it leaks when it rains.
#Lunchpun
My workmate has failed to turn up again today, I don't think he can sink much further.
Nadir?
No, he's definitely not here.
#Lunchpun
I've just seen a picture of Elvis smoking a cigar.
Castella?
No, Presley.
#Lunchpun
David Beckham is considering what to do with Brooklyn as he flies him back from the US.
Jet his son?
Probably not that drastic.
#Lunchpun
I'm watching a film about a German U-Boat but I've no idea what it's called because there are no subtitles.
#Lunchpun
They fired the waiter who poured gravy onto my sweet. I think he got his jus desserts.
#Lunchpun
One more routine at the gym and then I'm off to the Doctors' Annual Dinner and Dance.
Medicine Ball?
No, weights.
#LunchPun
You'll never guess who I bumped into at Specsavers!
Everybody? 🙄
No, an old school friend I hadn't seen in 40 years.
#Lunchpun
In the early 90's, Dawn French was given the choice to become vicar of my local village.
Audibly?
No, via email I think.
#Lunchpun
I've just put a non-refundable deposit down on a new hammock. There's no getting out of it now.
#Lunchpun
#LunchPun I was talking to a friend yesterday who accidentally sent naked pictures of himself to all his contacts on Instagram. Not only was it embarrassing, but it cost him a fortune in stamps.
My mate was taunting me about the noise my doorbell made.
Goading?
Yeah, then dong.
#Lunchpun
My sister Lila said she knew all the words to The Boxer, but she clearly doesn't.
Lila lied?
Lila lied lied, Lila lied, lie lie lie lie lied.
#Lunchpun
My wife tried to convince me that she'd been playing golf all day, but there are so many holes in her story.
#Lunchpun
They wouldn't let me join their singing group because they rock choir a good voice.
#Lunchpun
My friend was so talented, she could play large stringed instruments using her arm as a bow, while drinking Italian licquers.
Limb on cello?
No, Disaronno.
#lunchpun
Oh no, the garnish in my egg sandwich has dropped onto the floor.
Cress fallen?
I'm pretty upset, yes.
#LunchPun
I fear I may have misunderstood the meaning of "Current Streak" whilst doing Wordle in the library.
#LunchPun
We're going round to Sid and Katie's for dinner tonight, although I'm convinced they're Russian agents.
Kate and Sidney spy?
No, I think we're having lasagne.
#LunchPun
I've just started a new job and I want to go on vacation but I'm not sure if I've earned enough leave.
Accrued holiday?
Oh no, it's just a normal one with the family.
#Lunchpun
We've only got one version of Paintbrush in our house and it's tearing our family app art.
#Lunchpun
My mermaid fiancée has called off our engagement because she doesn't want to get tide down.
#Lunchpun
My west country friends have just opened a French themed cafe.
Do they put the accent on?
Only over the e.
#Lunchpun
Harry " What's that material called that's washed up on the beach when the tide is high?"
Me " That's debris Harry"
#LunchPun
I'm going to blow all my kid's inheritance by having a massive party and really let my heir down.
#Lunchpun
I've heard sheepdogs are hard to come-bye these days.
#LunchPun
