Encephalophatass

GUY WHO DOESN'T GET IT: On this Woman's Day I'd like to celebrate women's feminine beauty and femaleness. Without women's grace and feminine girlishness the world would be uglier. Let's talk about how beautiful and womanly women are. What would be of us without their delicate beautiness? Ladies!

¿Día de la Mujer o Día de la Mujer Trabajadora? La diferencia no es solo terminológica: tiene que ver con los orígenes socialistas del 8M, su evolución histórica y su significado político. El año pasado estuve reflexionando mucho sobre este debate y quiero aportar algunos datos. Va hilo largo, creo:

Get better soon!

Tomorrow it's International Women's Day. And if you're a man, you may feel uncomfortable.

It will be tempting to deny that sexism exists, to deflect, to use a million strategies to combat the cognitive dissonance of knowing that sexism is alive and well, and you likely benefit from it. 16/?

The thing about the #MeToo movement is that when I learnt as a teen about systemic racism, the weight of it felt Lovecraftian. Like my eyes had been opened to a new side of reality, and I would forever be changed. All this pain and suffering I had been unknowingly complicit in. 1/?

That ABA had its origins as a conversion therapy for boys who were deemed pathologically "effeminate," and it wasn't until homosexuality was removed from the DSM in the 70s that O. Ivar Lovaas, who is on record as saying Autistic children are not fully human, turned his Skinnerian torture on us.

He was like "I think youth unemployment rates would be lower if so many people didn't go to college" like yeah man totally. There are absolutely millions of unclaimed jobs that no one is taking because too many people are going to college. You are very smart.

Yeah, I think avoiding discomfort and accountability are common human traits, but privilege definitely makes it easier to do so, either out of lack of awareness or because... [gestures at everything]

Show up. Do the work.

Hold people accountable for their sexism. Lend your support to those who need it.

You have more power than you think. This International Women's Day, use it to do something good. 19/19

So when your friend makes a sexist joke, when a coworker speaks over a female teammate or steals her ideas, when a guy is being creepy, when you witness any of the million acts of sexism you witness every day, when there are fucking dirty dishes in the sink...

Take action. 18/?

But the only thing that will actually help with that cognitive dissonance...

(...and the only option that will make you a good person, if that's something you care about...)

...is to act.

Babe, you need to show up and do the work. 17/?

Tomorrow it's International Women's Day. And if you're a man, you may feel uncomfortable.

It will be tempting to deny that sexism exists, to deflect, to use a million strategies to combat the cognitive dissonance of knowing that sexism is alive and well, and you likely benefit from it. 16/?

I'm not going to lie and claim I'm the perfect ally. I still fuck up. I am still learning. There's a lot more that I could do. But I do the best I can.

And though that's not the point, yes, it has fucking helped with the cognitive dissonance. 15/?

I called out white people when they were racist. I lent my support whenever a local anti-racist group needed white allies. At work, I made sure that the voices of PoC were heard. Essentially, I showed up and did the work. 14/?

The thing people get wrong about cognitive dissonance is that the best way to fix it is not to change the way you think, but the way you act.

What I needed to do was get my head out of my ass and start actually fighting against racism and for racial justice.

So I did. 13/?

I would go around trying to prove I was "one of the good ones", seeking validation from my Black friends. I would castigate myself.

I would use terms like "my Black friends".

The thing is, even thought all this made me feel (kinda?) better... it did nothing to actually help People of Color 12/?

When I learned about structural racism, my strategy for dealing with the cognitive dissonance was White Guilt.

And let me be clear, this guilt was not performative. Fellas, I really did feel like shit.

But in a way... It was performative. 11/?

Inevitability: There is nothing I can do!

Individual exception: Sure, sexism is bad, but I treat women fairly!

Tokenization: I can't be sexist! I have a daughter, a wife, a mother!

DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender): Being a man is harder than being a woman these days! 10/?

Cognitive dissonance is, almost by definition, unpleasant. And there are many ways to resolve it.

For example:

Denial: I am not complicit!

Deflection: Why are these women blaming me when rapists exist?

Victim blaming: Maybe if women made better choices, they wouldn't get assaulted! 9/?

THOUGHT 1: I am a good person

THOUGHT 2: I am complicit in an unfair system

That discomfort you may feel is cognitive dissonance. When I learnt about structural (vs individual) racism, that's what I felt.

My definition of what a good person was... was not compatible with the reality I lived 8/?

When I studied psychology, one of the things they taught us was that one of the most powerful tools when it comes to changing someone's behaviour is cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance is what you feel when you have two thoughts that contradict each other. For example... 7/?

Isn't it funny how those who preach "personal responsibility" never think they have the personal responsibility to improve the world and help others?

Yeah, yeah, I know, but I genuinely like that coworker and if you want community you have to be community etc

At one point he was saying that if you don't have financial security, it was your fault for making bad choices and I was like "YOU GIRLFRIEND JUST GOT FIRED, what the hell are you talking about," and he genuinely did not understand what I meant

She just got fired for completely unfair reasons; it was her goodbye lunch. So of course, his boyfriend spent the whole time sucking up to big companies and praising "meritocracy"

I literally told him at one point "Sorry to be the one to tell you this, bro, but your salary is in the top 5% of the country" and HIS FACE.

No es sólo que fuera aburrido, es que el novio de la tipa se ha puesto a soltar mierdas neoliberales absurdas

Yeah, these people are not original

Lord, save me from having to meet straight girls' boyfriends 🙄

The low natality crisis? Nothing to do with systemic factors! It's just that people don't value traditional families anymore! 🧵