I want it to be a banana peel.
He finishes his stupid speech in his dumb hat and poor suit. Shuffles away from the podium and slips on a banana left by a clever assassin.
He tumbles down the stairs *thumpthumpOWWthumpAarghTHUMPthump thump thump thumpthump*
In my version the stairs are really long.
One of the nice things about being old on the internet is that if you sarcastically reply to someone's comment "thank you, Simone" there's a 94% chance they will respond with "no problem whatsoever."
I enjoy consistency as much as I enjoy small cups of applesauce.
Should've bought myself an ice cream sandwich.
Well this sucks.
Less worried about him being a liar.
The fact he's a goddam psychopath with no regard for anything other than himself and what he covets is kinda scary.
I stand by this.
This just happened 😂
Anyone should get this:
"something something NBA something New Orleans something"
A. Boston Celtics
B. Utah Jazz
C. New York Knicks
D. Memphis Grizzlies
Watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" on RTL and I'm 3 for 4 so far (got the €32k question) despite not speaking a word of German.
Kinda fun.
JFK WITH JACKIE IN A CAR "I will not risk American lives by permitting any other nation to drag us into the wrong war, at the wrong place, at the wrong time, through a commitment that is unwise militarily, unnecessary to our security, and unsupported by our allies." -JFK, 1960
Why am I NOT surprised?
*Any time something happens*
me [my best Gilbert Gottfried impression]: WHAT WAS THAT
Boston Style clam chowder with Smoked Haddock & Bacon, Stout & Treacle Soda Bread, Salted Irish Butter, a Ceasar Salad With Soft-boiled Egg, Sourdough Crisps, Romaine Lettuce & Pancetta with added chicken. And a beer. It's a US Budweiser. Don't judge me.
That clam chowder from the other night was so good I had to revisit it. This time w/ a chicken ceasar salad. Haven't treated myself to room service in awhile.
Soooo good!
No context repost.
asking websites to verify they're a computer before i enter
I have never reached my goals in life and have failed a great many things, but I have done some weird shit that makes me laugh to think about. I will take that.
That overgrown rat that always condemns everyone to 6 more weeks of winter didn't have to fast forward his alarm clock this morning.
I hate that guy.
Just got our marching orders from Male HQ.
For this summer we'll be doing
*opens envelope"
Sports Tees and Cargo Shorts with Sandals!!!!
*crowd erupts in raucous applause*
That's pleasant that the President of the United States can just call me a fool.
For disagreeing with them.
That's nice.
If only we'd had one single fictional character from a 1987 film from a fictional town of Florin warning against getting into a land war in Asia all of this could've been avoided.
Hate to root for Vizzini here but he wasn't wrong.
Will do.
Such a horrible movie but it's SO good.
Do you know how hard it is to change cellphones? In general?
Not pleasant.
Try doing it when everything is two-party authentication and you live abroad with no US phone number. F*cking nightmare.
Thank you, Jane.
Good to get one decent one.
Blind squirrel and all that.
If I can knock off like, 3 things a day for a few months I'm gonna really turn things around.
From a statistical standpoint that's usually a REALLY bad idea.
Weird time to be alive where I'm like "ya'll should start listening to the f*cking Pope."
I'm going to get billed for this, aren't I?
Just to be clear, this is an attempt at a joke.
You had to parse that sentence, process it, etc.
It's from a guy.
Sorry, I'm not good at people.
False.
*picks up old bottle from ocean, reads message*
Most of those "facts" you read from Snapple bottle caps in the 90's were not actually factual.
Why do you think the admin is fighting so hard to get their dirty mitts on the voter rolls of EVERY State?
Voted D in 2016, 2020, and 2024?
Your kid is first in the new draft.
