Melicious

There are only three things in life better than sitting in front of an open window as a storm comes in.

Spring forward. This is the one morning a year where coffee isn't a choice.

—It's a medical intervention.

Batman isn’t a childish fantasy because it features a guy dressed as a bat; Batman is a childish fantasy because it’s based on the premise that a super-rich man would spend his money on protecting citizens from criminals and villains.

Sometimes I'll eat a salad in public so people will think "Well he's husky but at least he's trying"

I know I'm old now because when someone asks how I'm doing I tell them the truth without mercy

I swear that this is a race to the fucking bottom.

The White House without a pet is like America without democracy.

my sodium is dangerously low, and I still do not want your semen

if you can’t find your way to me among my eleven pillows on my bed then that’s your problem pumpkin

I didn’t use conditioner last night and now I got the Bob Ross hair only my trees ain’t happy

The older I get the more I appreciate Ben Kenobi.

Enjoy your Bluesky crush while you can, before they disappear forever

This day in history. 2013. Singer and quick as lightning guitarist Alvin Lee died following heart surgery. An autopsy revealed resting in his chest cavity two souvenir Alvin Lee guitar picks and a Junior Mint.

Nelson using Milhouse's fist to hit him with whilst also filming him. Nelson is saying "Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself."

Nelson then demanded Milhouse's unconditional surrender

Nothing is scarier than a half deflated balloon drifting around the room.

Nothing.

The doomscrolling is too doomy. Please advise

I have determined that my neighbour Steve does not pose a threat to my goals of quiet patio time this summer.
Steve is in a place of total surrender whether he even knows it.

Pause for a moment to think of all the pets affected by this hideous war: those killed in the blasts, and those abandoned by people fleeing the region.

Depression is my main squeeze, anxiety is my side piece.

due to current gas prices, i'm gonna need you to get out of my car and into my dreams.

The ides of March are coming if you need ideas about what to get your local emperor.

*raises the bar*

Bar: “put me down”

image of Alice from Wonderland with pink hair sitting with her hands holding her head up, mushrooms and the words: EVEN IN DARKNESS YoU ARE STill GROWING artist: Gus Fink

🖤

No I don’t know what it means either, just run with it.

Hard to reach places? You mean like, enlightenment?

because that's what love does,

*races to airport
*hurdles through security
*sees her at boarding gate
*shouts her name
*she turns and sees me
*romantic music swells
“I RAN OVER YOUR CAT”

I am an old flower vase destined for a rage room

It’s so weird how I’m the only one who has correct takes yet everyone hates me.

i didn’t cry at all during my date tonight. did i just level up?