Joel McDonald

How I arrived on Bluesky:

It'S All Going According To Plan... GIF Alt: It'S All Going According To Plan... GIF

[IKEA assembly, step 4]

Me: Well this doesn't line up exactly but I can make it work.

Step 19:

I REBUKE YOU IN THE NAME OF DAVID BECKHAM

What's the British equivalent of Jesus because you need him

Text: What's your address? Response: If you're about to invite me to a goddam wedding this friendship is over.

I'm 45 years old and I know what I'm about.

[on the way to soccer practice]

Young Un: Hey Dad! Truth or dare? Say dare.

Me: Uh, dare.

Y.U.: Stick your butt out the window and twerk at people.

Me: I'm driving, bud. Can we do truth?

Y.U.: Okay... Are you cheating on mom?

Me: Okay, what do you monsters want for lunch?

Kiddo: Mac and cheese!

Young Un: Something chocolate!

...

Me: Boys? Today we change the world.

Marriage is a sacred institution between someone who knows there is NOTHING FUNNY about being touched on bare skin with a pair of icy cold feet...

... and someone willing to risk everything to prove otherwise.

I've been in the Detroit airport for 13 1/2 hours, hoping to find some magic combination of flights that'll get me home.

No luck. Just a buncha delays, cancellations, and "Oops! All Tarmac!"

If anybody has a snow plow capable of highway speeds, I will pay handsomely for a lift...

As a reformed Houstonian myself, I won't hold it against them. Fingers crossed for our VO sibling.

Team game, y'all.

Young Un: Dad, can you give this to Mom?

Me: That's great, bud. You drew the family and it says "I love you sooo much." She'll love it.

Y.U.: Thanks!

Me: But hey... You make stuff like this for your mom a few times a week. Ever thought of drawing something for me?

Y.U.: But she's the one I love.

Harmonica solo. Fractured patella.

I know a dude who sounds just like that dude

So long story short, I've been banned from editing my own Wikipedia page.

So if you have the time and inclination, I encourage you to edit my page with the most absurd crap you can think of.

Get weird with it.

Calendar entry: "Buzz Aldron's b-day, Joel's b-day, Matt's b-day, 90,000 other people's birthday."

For my birthday this year, the kids gave me a pointed reminder that I'm not special.

Loophole!

This year I'm putting the VS gift cards in MY stocking, courtesy of "Santa."

And since I won't use them, it only makes sense to regift them to Wifey...

I mean collectively no

Sheep in a box Christmas ornament

Mariah Carey: 🎶 All I want for Christmas... 🎶

a man wearing a mask is sitting on a couch with the words " thanks nerd " on the bottom right Alt: a man wearing a mask is sitting on a couch with the words " thanks nerd " on the bottom right

I woke up at 330am to catch a flight to Otakufest in Florida.

I'm just about to board my flight back home.

I am very sleepy.

But 100/10 would do again.

My birthday is coming up in a couple weeks so if y'all know of any artsy types in need that the collective might be able to help in my illustrious honor, drop links here.

Please and thank you.

a group of soldiers are standing in a row wearing helmets and armor . Alt: a group of soldiers are standing in a row wearing helmets and armor. One says "I'm doing my part."

You're now the first and only person I subscribe to. I honestly didn't know that was a thing.

A kid in a ton of winter clothes

When it drops below 50 in Texas

a man says that 's my boy in front of a brick wall Alt: a man says that's my boy

Kiddo: Dad, can you help me run lines for my audition?

Me: Sure. But what am I gonna ask you?

Kiddo: ... If I already marked all the beats and wrote my subtext in the margins...

Me: And?

Kiddo: (sigh) Okay, 10 minutes.