NINTENDO

Sorry we havent been posting. Tbh we dont even like posting. We have to do it or Captain Falcon punches us in the head and screams "FALCON PUNCH!"

Video games are not bad for your brain! We just hope it encourages you to kill your enemies. That's all.

Death Stranding. Norman Reedus as Sam Porter Bridges and Guillermo del Toro/Jesse Corti as Deadman. The caption reads, “Fuck America.”

We're worried ppl are starting to think we're gay so now all nintendos will have a lil punisher logo on it and the menu screen will have Slash doing a guitar solo. Still think we're gay? 😎

Link actually loves to talk. He just hates you.

Sex on acid simulator just hit the shelves. Go buy it. Don't do acid or you'll die! You can't trust anything that doesn't cost 69.99.

Goombas are in the mafia. That's why they're called that.

We're ngl, PlayStation is obviously better than us, but just remember that every time you play one, Yoshi cries! You don't want Yoshi to hate you, do you?

Playing games is not a waste of time! What else are you going to do? Level up in real life?? Dont make me laugh! 🤣

We refuse to make our games cheaper or better, but there's one thing you can do to improve your experience with our products. It's called Ketamine.

If you press ⬆️⬆️⬇️⬇️⬅️➡️🅱️ in the wii menu, you gain access to the nuclear launch codes. DO NOT DO IT THO! VERY DANGEROUS!!!!

New video game coming out where you play as Robert Smith from The Cure and you hit ppl with your guitar while on the way to your girlfriends house to break up with her. Collect tears along the way.

We're sorry for being evil 🫣

We're bringing back Conkers Bad Fur Day but taking out all the racism and misogyny. It will be 5 minutes long.

We cant leave Pikachu and Donkey Kong alone in the same room together or they will start fucking.

FAFO

(Fif Around and Find Out)

To show solidarity with the general strike tomorrow we will be making all of our games 25 dollars cheaper. 1 day only. Shop til ya drop!

We're currently talking to our focus groups about it. If it turns out to be of financial interest then we will pander to said queers.

Society has moved past the need for public education. Wanna learn history? Play Civ IV. Wanna get into the medical field? Dr. Mario. Wanna learn about Communism? Too bad!

We're making a side scroll Sopranos game where you play as Tony and collect gabagool on your way to therapy.

Get the sickos some medicine! 👏

We're now making the physical games taste like candy so if you dont like the game at least you get to have a lil treat.

For legal reasons we have to tell you not to eat it or you'll die but like 😉

Wanna feel old? This is Yoshi in 2026.

We know you loooove our video games so now we're adding a tip menu after you digitally buy a game so you can show us some love. Totally optional but if you dont tip the game WILL lag.

We at nintendo like to think outside of the box. That's why we're working a new controller that is also a gun so you can defeat your enemies in real life. Now in multiplayer mode.

Our employees are not allowed to have friendships or spend time with their families. A small price to pay to make sure you get a steady flow of pokemon slop.

Mario is NOT a plumber. He works for the CIA. He just happens to like hanging out in sewers.

21-year-old activist injured by ICE:

I will be blind for life. I have fractures in my skull that they can't fix. They pulled a piece of plastic the size of a nickel out of my eye. I had shards of metal, glass, and plastic behind my eye and in my skull. They said it was a miracle I survived.

We're creating a new open world game called "Going Outside" where you walk around your neighborhood in real life. It costs 70 dollars.

We had to stop making bomberman games cuz he kept showing ppl how to make IEDs.