I actually liked taking my shoes off in the TSA got to let these dog pant a bit before going on the plane

Who knew this dumbduck would become president

If you identify as a man and you go home before it “gets dark” congratulations Issa boy

I’m I toxic if I texted her “how many other guys have you watched good fellas with you whore?!”

Apparently rock bottom has a basement

All I know is, It smells like fajitas where charlie kirks going

Today is the big autism’s announcement. I don’t care what they say about red 40. Let me drink my Mountain Dew code red and eat my Swedish fish in peace

I just payed 45$ for a vodka redbull this shit better have bright gold bull piss innit

How do I I tell my mom I don’t want to see celebrity AI generated babies anymore?

A great philosopher once said “what came first the cigarette or sunflower seed?”

Saying “love that for you” every time my manager ask me to start cleaning up

I left a note in a Waymo that said this car kidnapped me and dropped me off in Joshua tree unprovoked please help

my shoes i got from temu are still on a cargo ship and because these tariffs me and my car finna go pick them shits up

I don’t go to therapy but I have thought about and thats enough for me

Does an open beer still get you drunk if you wake up and drink it in the morning? (Asking for twin)

Ol cotton hill ass mf lol

Hahaha fukn fr. bro was at his highest when caught Carlos Mencia in joke thievery, then he started fuckin stools and it was all down hill from there

Cory booker we’re live with you on the senate floor keep yapping king

When the smoke shop takes ebt you know I buy ALL the cbd drinks and rap snacks in dat bitch

When the gps redirects you without your consent tell her in a quarter mile take a left on
Hellnah Beach

Joe Rogan should of stuck to watching people eat roaches and get hit with cattle prods instead of becoming bffs with nazi apologist shit mouths

I used to love when the school nurse brushed my lice off with a Barbie comb

Coffins cost too much bury me floppy

Two weeks ago a girl smiled at me. I will never forget you my Queen.

Forget I even said that. Anyway, what does someone from Milwaukee say when they go to New York………..
HEY MILWAUKEE HERE!

Is Milwaukee a state?

Napping is for babies and liars.