Firastopher

it’s like “am I happy in this relationship?” Idk…but am I having fun! also idk…but hey I get to have sex every 8-14 days so!

*obama if he was at a bar* uuuh let me have beer

4th consecutive short work week

Yeah! I just wish I knew how to read :/

still haven’t finished this book I started in october ijbol

Honestly I’m always saying “the answer is MORE social media!”

Can’t do this “work” thing much longer

when you think about we’re all lowkey chained to the rhythm

Americans learn any other country’s national holidays challenge

Clintoris x Nurtec when??

Lady Gaga:

being part of a tree planting org in canada is so laughable like we really only have 12 ideal workable weeks to get everything we need done before the ground freezes over and shit gets delayed

Seeing a Skweet with 4 likes and tagging Ellen in the reply

researching an “Israeli-Palestinian” restaurant’s politics before visiting is a full time job idc how good your hummus is, are you supporting apartheid???

do they have porn accounts on here or do we have to make our peace with that loss too?

if clintoris has 100k followers I am one of them if clintoris has 300 followers I am one of them if clintoris has no followers then my rate limit exceeded

on the clock on a holiday monday why does god hate me

can I spread misinformation to thwart my nemeses and say things like “I’m gonna kill myself” on here or are these guys uncool too?

👆🏼👆🏼this!! 😂😂😂😂😂

I need everyone I’ve ever dated to fall off the face of the earth if they’re gonna keep being weird when we have these run-ins on nights out

wait is this not the trump app?

tip #1 don’t be afraid to be yourself
tip #2 have fun!

buttered toast sprinkled with cinnamon sugar!!

DIVA DOWN. CLOCKED AND LOADED 😭

that’s what I called the poop stains in my underwear when I was a kid

Twitter? I hardly know her!