breemateljan

Mavs aren't leaving Dallas. Cause if they did, I would get an expansion franchise here 😀. No chance the NBA allows that.

Feels timely to be playing FFVII all over again for the zillionth time and realising that yes, Barret is right: the planet is dying.

You two are the best! (And Toadie too, of course) ✨

Me, after reading Twitter for a few minutes:

They stopped making ghosts just after the civil war. You’ll never see a ghost with a man bun or hitting a juul

Still checks out.

That guy’s gonna LOVE the Barbie movie.

I guess this is where I now come to cry.
And tell all my gripes about my extended family.

"Make my words"

I wonder how it stacks up to caravan and campervan purchases?

I think my cat is in a band like this. Lots of in-fighting and bad relationships though, so a bit like Fleetwood Mac?

Oh shit, it’s me.

I once watched a documentary on aliens and abductions as a kid that featured a scene where a German Shepherd at the window turns into a weird black eyed child who snaps his neck around to look at the camera. This is that child.

We live in a reality where people thought it acceptable to eat detergent pods so this would be totally keeping in the general vibe of the place.

banned from gardening forum for saying "it was me" every time someone posted and said "help, something is eating my tomatoes"

I actually laughed at this.

Imagining Hyrule Twitter. Overrun by Yiga chuds. Every paid bluecheck has a name like BasedKohga. Pics of Zonai ruins captioned "This is what they took from us." Every 3rd tweet an ad for marble rock roast. The Demon King replying 👀 to Kilton's claim that bubbul gems cure covid

Grink sighting in the wild.

I’m still over at the Bad Place™️ out of spite.

You know we’re all just going to mess with Addison and his signs.
“SCREW THE PRESIDENT!”

I feel like I need a nap after an hour with mine.

A List of Old People Who I Believe Do and Do Not Know Who Mario Is Like, if you showed them a picture

I was thinking about this old piece I wrote for Gawker today, and have decided that King Charles, unlike his mother, could identify Mario. https://www.gawker.com/celebrity/which-famous-old-people-could-identify-mario

Fuck fuck they're trying to make it look fake!

twitter is the submarine of social media

Trying hard to find folks I want to follow on here so bear with me 🐻‍❄️

Let's all do our part to ensure musked up permanently enters our lexicon