Tim Price

Call the show something like Being Evil

They should have the bad guy wear a black hat and act like a fucking asshole the whole time and then die so people know not to emulate him

Gengar: There’s no good time to say this but I used to be someone’s grandma.

Hillary and Bernie

No... it's just beginning,

60 minutes is how long it should take Hegseth’s jury to deliberate when you factor in lunch and bathroom breaks

This sketch is effortlessly funnier in every way and has the advantage of being made when it was still possible to laugh about Bill Clinton

Canceling their planned follow-up sale because they depleted their entire inventory in one afternoon

Getting swole in every way possible

Maybe that's the same impression he does on Family Guy, but here's the thing: I will never watch Family Guy

Why put so much effort into simulating his appearance and then do a voice like Goofy taking a fat bong rip

Everything else aside, that's one of the worst Bill Clintons I've ever heard

Nintendo also probably has better health care policy; Dr Mario believes in germ theory

Wendy’s social media manager picked a fight he thought was easy (for no reason) and got blasted for restaurants closing down because their sales tanked lmao

Corey Lewandowski

Oh no he’s bad again

Congrats on getting Stannis Baratheon to follow back

I saw protein Pop-Tarts in the supermarket yesterday. What are you people trying to do, join the peewee football team as a walk-on

Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump "@david_j_roth: "I was never one who looked at success as bad. For me, success was always good. I loved it, and still do." Donald Trump 1:01 AM • 6/10/14

It’s time for a new vision of foreign policy

In past administrations it would have been unusual, perhaps even disquieting, to see the Treasury Secretary announce details of a bombing campaign on TV. But in Trump 2, whoever is currently on the highest rated news broadcast is technically acting in the capacity of the president.

JD Vance blogging in Iraq: 🧍‍♂️

Bernie made a bad decision about who to associate himself with? Excuse me while I collect my monocle

ExxonMobil CEO tries the 87 and 89

I have had to become more intentional about dialing it down in my late 30s because I haven’t found anyone to corroborate my idea that walking around with a tight fist of rage in your chest all the time is good for you

You can tell when i'm watching a comedy-drama because i stop laughing sometimes

I’m talking in my soft voice now but in a few months time I can nudge them out of the way and they won’t swat

Letting an account I just followed smell my hand before I riff in their replies

Trump has undoubtedly had a more profound impact on the way we all speak, but I have to give Biden credit for teaching me that a quiet “Come on, man…” works as a response to many of life’s stressors. Sometimes the muttering makes me feel better than a loud swear.

As soon as I sense a post or thread reaching escape velocity I just mute everything and wish the gladiators good luck

Good luck with the haircut

Me driving the other dads to the Dave & Buster’s out by the old mall: