Mom, entering the room with her phone: “I have a question about jestermaxxing.”
06.03.2026 16:41
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Mom, entering the room with her phone: “I have a question about jestermaxxing.”
It’s maple sugaring season in the Midwest, which means it’s time for the annual Sugar Shack Steam Snapshot (SSSS)
*BUY, I’m not deleting this, we will both have to live with the typo and carry on as best we can.
Breville HQ:
“How long does it usually take people to make toast? Ten minutes?”
“Yeah, that sounds right.”
“And the darkest setting…how toasty should that be?”
“Like the bread was kissed by a light summer breeze, sir.”
Food People kept pressuring me to by the Breville countertop oven, and I am here to report that it is indeed excellent if you want a toaster oven that can do anything EXCEPT make toast.
Haterade subscribers rule. Sending $700 to the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota this month.
Thank you, David, for this critical question I should have addressed head-on. It is *excellent* on pizza—a hybrid of two common pizza dips already! I contend that pizza ranch does for marinara and ranch what Reese’s did for PB and chocolate.
“I will let the haters adjudicate whether ranch dressing on pizza is “allowed.” This is a question on par with “Is a hot dog a sandwich?” in that it was designed to be answered at excruciating cocktail parties attended by the most boring people you know.“
haterade.substack.com/p/pizza-ranch
Granted, I only had one meal there, but I recall it being...a faithful representation of a Pizza Ranch!
All subscription revenue for Jan is going to the Immigrant Law Center of Minnesota. If you'd like to donate directly, you can do that here: www.ilcm.org/donate/
CHINNAMON.
Workshopping is for narrow-chinned softcels, Andrew. We’re channeling all of our creative energy into jaw gains.
Saying “no thanks, it’s a rest day” to anyone who offers me a piece of gum for the rest of my life.
I stumbled on this product while researching for Haterade, and I can no longer think about anything else.
For the past decade, my sister and I have been bogarting mom’s gingerbread dough to make an annual Christmas Creature. For 2025, we are pleased to introduce Blossom the Possum.
Matthew, that book is a treasure, and I look forward to reciting the peppernut poem in the front matter with you.
Speaking of peppernuts, here’s @lizcookkc.bsky.social on pfeffernög—her Pfeffernüsse-inflected weihnachtlicher Genuss—fortified with twice as much absinthe as it is bourbon:
the funniest thing I have read in a very long time. Thank you @lizcookkc.bsky.social
Fellow Nog Procrastinators, this one’s for you.
Meant to represent the slow bleeding of the Kansas taxpayer. The signs were all there.
It was me. I did this, somehow, by being rude to Travis Kelce’s steaks.
“How many tables order this every night?” I asked.
“Almost all of them,” she said, with just a hint of resignation. defector.com/two-nights-p...
The Alchemy is in a section of cocktails titled "The Players," named for the steakhouse's famous guests. For Mahomes fans, there's the "Showtime" ($19), a rum and coconut cocktail made with a "Coors Light syrup" that I tragically could not taste. I preferred Kelce's "Big Yeti" ($24), a nocino-enhanced old fashioned with bitter chocolate notes. There is a fourth cocktail in the section, named after Brittany Mahomes. I will not be tricked into commenting on it.
i don’t usually read reviews for restaurants i will likely never visit, but this one (from @lizcookkc.bsky.social) for Mahomes’ and Kelce’s place in KC was worth it for style points alone defector.com/two-nights-p...
This review from @lizcookkc.bsky.social of Pat Mahomes and Travis Kelce’s weird, over-priced restaurant is maybe one of funniest I’ve ever read. defector.com/two-nights-p...
My Unc Kitchen
is this anything
"Much of the menu at 1587 Prime reads like magnetic poetry for people with expense accounts."
Liz Cook brilliance in Defector! A Christmas miracle!
Liz Cook reviews Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelce's Kansas City steakhouse: defector.com/two-nights-p...
Personally, I would have preferred YC’s “Cookies by the Fire”
Thanks, John!
Great fun from @lizcookkc.bsky.social
"You do not have to order the Heinz ketchup flight. You do not have to buy the Taylor Swift cocktail that tastes like a candle and is garnished with a flaming Brillo pad. You do not have to sacrifice your servers’ eyebrows at the altar of the tableside flambé"
