depressed so i haven't been here much, apologies
bf has a bad habit of impatience then it leads me to have to console him when i'm trying to talk about my emotions and it's really undermining what he could be as a man
weight is okay ig, im 45.8 ish as of late but bloated to 46.5 bc of my period
muscles anyways just bc i lift very heavy and i walk 10k most days. with this being said i do think its different bc food cravings are really different for someone who's bigger, or even if you're just american bc tbh i dont crave foods if that makes sense and i can say no a lot easier
day 27 . . . "how do you deal with being around food?"
im not the best person to ask this bc i have a p healthy relationship with food in comparison to other ppl as far as having anorexia goes? if im hungry i'll eat and if i'm not then ok who cares but this is also just bc i know it'll go to my
day 26 . . . "what excites you the most about your ugw?"
thin thighs then lean bulking after
lifting weights gives me dysmorphia in the short term bc of the pump but like the results are so insane bc i was seeing chest bones at bmi 19-20 being so lean i have GOT to pump it up
gonna start avoiding milk products because theyr super high in pthalates but that just means more tofu for me x
no worries!!! lmk what u think im super curious hehe :D
out of flour and brownies were at my bf's so i experimented a little with pbfit n i got this 16g protein for 155 cal per serving bread thing that i quite enjoy!
1 egg, 20g pbfit, 20g sweetener, 1g baking powder. cinnamon/vanilla extract optional. microwave for 1-2 min just be sure to watch it
omg real
u can also just delete the app if it helps? we'll always want the best for you ❤️
( 46.2 )
its so annoyjng and goofy being low bmi 18 ish and feeling fat but im up 0.3kg probably because of my period >_>
been eating till 900 cal and then after im just eating low volume foods up to 1200 bc i dont want food weight and i also want to high res, but it feels good that my body is used to this now
day 25 . . . "have you ever purged?"
no and i rly dont want to it sounds super scary to me :/
also awful bc i literally have never eaten this type of food before
tbh my family is not rly that american and im going to my bf's thanksgiving dinner so i dont know the cals for all the food and im kinda anxious </3
said yes to a hiking date today and im excited bc it's gonna be like 9 miles of hiking and i'll be carrying extra weight too so, even more cals burning
( 45.9 )
makes me sad that i couldn't weigh in yday bc i was probably even lighter yday but its okay a new low weight!!!
proud of u!! running is hard at first but it will get better :)
the end of the day bc i mean its not like this is a particularly safe mental illness lol.
even bmi 16 then its not a healthy desire even if im "orth" ab it. anorexia is just anorexia at the end of the day. i dont think i'll want to go lower than 16 i cant rly imagine it in the long term esp since i like working out and having a busy life but i also need to be careful ab what i want :/ at
insufferable asf which is like the worst part of it imo. anyways im also kinda hypocritical bc im very open w numbers n competitive n super conflicted ab recovery (this isnt a safe space for recovering anas at all) so like i cant say that im not problematic yk? if i want to lose until bmi 17 n maybe
also super hypocritical bc they were posting meanspo/fatspo & some rly nasty stuff then its like well how come u guys think i need to "stop having ana" just bc im unhealthier physically. nobody takes anorexia for what it actually does to u. ppl just think it makes u skinny but actually it makes u
day 24 . . . "how do you feel about the terms pro-ana/pro-mia?"
i dont support pro-ana/pro-mia at all. it was kinda eye opening for me when i joined this discord server that was like support for ed ppl but semi pro-ed. atp i was alr p close to being uw & ppl discouraged me & were so worried but its
day 23 . . . "did the media play a role in you wanting to lose weight?"
yes and no, i wouldn't say it's my primary driver of weight loss but it ambiently affects me ofc :/
journaling or taking a nap helps for me, idk how to deal with it still but im still trying my hardest, i hope you feel better soon
i'm so happy to see u had fun <333
can't post my weigh in today because i'm sleeping at my bf's >__< ... and i'm too awkward to ask for the scale
yeah, id probably check across a couple different sites and cross reference a little. ik a lot of health orgs dont let u calculate it if ur uw, i use the nih/sailrabbit for bmi/tdee/etc
granted i hope to maintain at 44-45kg but thats so so close
46.2 i'm so close to bmi 17 its literally 0.2kg away
