J. Jonah Jameson

GUESS WHO’S BACK? BACK AGAIN!!!!!

It’s that time of year, folks! The air’s cold, the days are short, and Spider-Men are probably swinging around ruining holiday decorations! Where’s the accountability?! Someone get me pictures of this menace in a Santa hat!!!!

I’ve done it Ma. I’VE RATIO’D THE OFFICIAL SPIDER-MAN TWITTER ACCOUNT!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! IN YOUR FACE YA WEBHEADED LOSER!!!!!!

So Spidey’s latest ‘feat’ was stopping a bank robbery… anyone else notice that the bank was already insured? This guy’s a menace! #NotOurHero

a man with a mustache is screaming and saying `` he 's a menace to the entire city ! `` ALT: a man with a mustache is screaming and saying `` he 's a menace to the entire city ! ``

Bluesky earlier today goes down THE SECOND I join this social media platform and NY’s very own hero is NOWHERE to be seen. Coincidence? I THINK NOT!!!! Spider-Man is shutting down social media platforms I’m on to keep me silent from speaking the truth. WELL IT WON’T WORK YOU WALL CRAWLING MENACE!!!!

My computer screen just went black. WHY IS IT BLACK? I was trying to TYPE. Is this thing broken??? JARED COME FIX IT!!!!!

Of course he did! Spider-Menace strikes again, leaving ordinary, hard-working citizens tangled in his web of destruction! I’ll have this in tomorrow’s headline: Neighborhood Menace Pollutes Homes! I’ll personally fund a campaign to bring him to justice – and to clean up New York, one web at a time!!

WHY IS MY COMPUTER YELLING AT ME?? I HIT “SEND” AND IT SAID “ERROR.” HOW CAN THERE BE AN ERROR ON THE TRUTH?!

WHY IS EVERYONE POSTING PICTURES OF THEIR LUNCH? WHO CARES? SPIDER-MAN COULD BE EATING YOUR LUNCH RIGHT NOW!

WHY IS THIS THING BLUE? WHERE’S MY TWITTER BIRD? I SIGNED UP FOR TWITTER AND NOW I’M STUCK IN SOME BLUE SKY HOOEY!

Spider-Man is infact a MENACE, and deserves to be put away for his various, totally not heroic actions.

Welcome my friends to my J Jonah Jameson Bluesky account where I’ll be talking and ranting as to why the masked menace known as SPIDER-MAN SHOULD BE LOCKED UP BEHIND BARS....
*Wait hold on JARED WHY DID THE COMPUTER JUST GO DARK! JARED THAT’S IT, YOU’RE FIRED AND REMEMBER TO COME BACK LATER!!!!