That's why I went to the bookstore (run by former English teachers) instead of library for my copies of Baby Jesus Buttplug and The Faggiest Vampire. I wanted to hear someone flinch when they said my books came in.
Esterbrook Estie with nibmeister Gina Salarino's custom Journaling nib.
But like, 3 is also pretty good.
All I want from life is to look like any one of these models while delivering devastating news to a rival
The way I absolutely CACKLED
"Door hinge. You're all eating cabinetry now. I hope you're happy."
folks theyre saying the pale rider doesnt want us to break the seventh seal, theyre saying no one has the strength to handle it. what do you think folks, what do you think of that pale rider. should we do it?
*crowd going absolutely ape shit*
i dont know, i want to but they say I shouldnt
Actually the only correct answer and I don't know why there's a debate?
To the patent office, STAT!
Only the hardest Gs work in .webp
Life imitates art
wife: i want another kid
me: yeah, fuck brian
He will not take this from is. It was in my life long before he was
This girl I knew in college gave up twizzlers. I'm sure the lord is honored with your sacrifice, Stephanie
Text on Jeopardy! clue screen that reads "THIS WATER-ADJACENT CASINO IS KNOWN FOR ITS EMPLOYEE THEFT ALMOST AS MUCH AS ITS FERAL CATS"
Honored to be on last night’s Jeopardy!
Is your Bizkit limp? Have you tried Fredding your dumplings?
I used to love computer it was my friend. Now I have hate in my heart
INTERVIEWER: can i see your resume
ME: *slides paper across desk*
INTERVIEWER: this is just a note that says “do u like me __yes __no”
ME: *averts eyes* well do u
INTERVIEWER: *bites end of pencil* idk maybe
So close ❤️
Shall I compare thee to a fucking jerk
The next time you enter the café we'll have gathered your friends and family, and someone will lock the door behind you (this is a bit about interventions, if you've never had the pleasure)
"We are not in the practice of knowingly hiring homosexuals." Totally legal, too.
WHAT: Those last two esembles
OCCASION: Granting a third wish or dying in a duel (swords)
IF IT WERE A SCENT: What an anosmic person imagines bergamot to smell like
Why do they do this. Why do they dress themselves this way. You make beautiful clothes. Put them on your body, even if frumpy.
Love all this Final Destination teasing of it. All the precariously placed items, each of them a single piece of the Rube Goldberg machine that will eventually start the biggest celebration on Earth.
Oh no, anything but that...
And if you don't have that friend, then I have some bad news re: your own corporeality :/
Bob & Ted & Carol & Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore
