Oliver Darkshire

oh good. now I'm forever changed. thanks very much

The Poet Laureate of the UK is famous for his translation of St Gawain and the Green Knight, and Kym once got up on stage, looked him straight in the eye, and then performed this.

Unsurprisingly enough, every time they've encountered each other since, he's remembered them.

disco elysium remains the king but esoteric ebb has moxie, an insane gambit to try and operate on that level but it's actually a respectable clone with a few of its own ideas, which believe me is rare praise

Esoteric Ebb review: put a bucket on my head, spent 3 hours and 20k words of dialogue arguing with a gnome about alignment, died because I wasn't fascist enough to climb a ladder, 10/10 game of the year so far

I am a fan of the long joke that's kept going for so long it becomes an immutable part of the emotional fabric

I did but I have a rather unfairly earned reputation for using badgers as lethal antagonists, (dropped onto sleeping heroes, bursting up from inside a chest, fired from a cannon etc.), so the bad blood didn't help my argument

i have been playing D&D with the gays for my entire sapient life and let me tell you I can count the number of mountain dwarves I've seen on one hand, everyone is all body positivity until I ask them to imagine being an armoured 4'2" cube

i have been sending a monthly letter to the drag race executives saying "give them martial weapons, train them in the art of war" for the last ten years, so it's good to finally see the community getting on board

if you're doing it right, they feed themselves and cook you something better alongside it. and then clean up after themselves. and then leave.

I feel like a medieval peasant having modern germ theory explained to them as behind me people continue to throw more buckets of piss and shite into the street all around us, your argument seems correct but idk what you want from me

to be honest I do accept the growing likelihood that both plants and insects feel some version of pain but idk what you want me to do with that information, is my life more valuable than a cockroach on a cosmic scale, probably not, but I would like to exist please

GALADRIEL (selectively editing the backstory): and three rings were given to the elves, who were barely involved

then be a good boy and send me nudes or something 👍

im from the UK, everything larger or more aggressive than a golden retriever is a wolf.

goose? wolf.
cow? wolf.
church lady on my doorstep? wolf.

why would you do this

I think it's the terrain. Feels sort of wild. coyotes are basically wolves anyway, he says, having flunked natural history.

-sylvania is a great ending to any name, though, can't argue with that

something about Pennsylvania has me expecting wolves. is that insane. feels like wolves.

save me poseidon

hunky poseidon save me etc

oh I think I would just have them roll me into the sea, for which I would undoubtedly be charged 😂

I'm here on work, which is pretty much the only reason I go anywhere, it is what it is. I appreciate you are coming from a place of concern, and I'm not oblivious to the context, one has to make the best of things

people here are either so kind and polite you feel like you owe them a life debt, or so devastatingly rude that your neck snaps in five places from the whiplash, there is no in-between, you roll the dice and pray. I am having fun.

its a grumpy selfie, don't read too much into it

I have been in the united states for less than 24 hours and my hotel is nice but I already have a host of questions like why are the cars so big, are these cars for giants, this morning I had the best sandwich of my life but it also made me feel like I was going to die

polite conversation apparently lies somewhere between "dont talk to me, i'm reading" (unacceptable) and "did you hear the one about the king who boned his own mother by accident and then put both his eyes out with a brooch" (also, somehow, unacceptable)

if it DOES become sentient, you have my permission to do whatever needs to be done *mimes shooting it*

The book “Isabella Nagg and the Pot of Basil” by Oliver Darkshire sitting in a pot of jasmine.

One of my favorite books this year! Wizards + goblins + a grimaulkin (not a cat) + a pot of basil.
@deathbybadger.bsky.social brought very Terry Pratchett vibes. I loooooooved it so much 💚 I’m just going to carry it around for a while and hope it doesn’t become sentient.

you have to slowly track them across the savannah, ideally after wounding them with some kind of missile, and when they eventually tire, you pounce

the text from the Necklace of Strangulation (AD&D Deck of Magical Items, TSR 1993). its only function is to strangle you.

writing down D&D quest reward ideas in 1993:

- strangling necklace
- necklace that murders you by strangling
- choking necklace
- necklace which strangles you dead

Isabella Nagg and the Pot of Basil by Oliver Darkshire | Waterstones Buy Isabella Nagg and the Pot of Basil by Oliver Darkshire from Waterstones today! Click and Collect from your local Waterstones or get FREE UK delivery on orders over £25.

bookstore chains are hibernating in february, you must seize advantage of their weakness and raid their caves before they grow strong again in the summer months and begin hunting livestock near the mountain villages

www.waterstones.com/book/isabell...

screengrab from waterstones UK for Isabella Nagg and the Pot of Basil

the UK paperback for Isabella Nagg and the Pot of Basil, which some people have called "why" and "a fantasy book? I thought I raised a doctor or a lawyer" and "I only like the talking donkey, the rest is garbage" is out in paperback in june! and today it's 25% off (link ⬇️)

I would move house