Attorney General Warren G. Harding

What is Fishy McWire?

🎵 Oops I Did It* Again

*war crimes

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about [spits out feathers]. For some of us, it's the Great Emu War of 1932.

this is like

the thesis statement of our times

this time we'll do marxism correctly. this time we'll do it with lesbians

What is a Sad Trombone and a Happy Meal

These are the 4 things AI can do well:

•Clean up your email inbox (badly)
•Give my shittiest neighbor (Alan) something to talk about at a party
•Tell a 12 yr old to kill himself
•Incinerate a school at 10:16 AM on a Tuesday

You can see why we need to base our economy around it

everything he touches turns to shit.

king mid af

welcome to tokyo's most hidden speakeasy, located atop a crane 300 meters above an active construction site, this exclusive perch serves up crisp drinks and eye-popping views, plus spaghetti and potato salad for some reason

It’s called the Grand Old Party because they are all 1,000 years old

Roses are red,
Violets are icky,

yes but you’re mad an hour later

Holy fuck, I just remembered that daylight saving time starts tomorrow and I’m SO MAD.

presufent hamding

What is opium

Stop being so polite and check him into the boards

I still maintain that “former elite black ops merc trying to live a quiet life UNTIL” is a much more interesting story if it’s, like, Emma Stone. Or Demi Moore. Or 84-year-old Nick Nolte.

i feel like this is all happening cause we stopped pumping up the jam

Everything i’ve learned about this was against my will, but when that site (4️⃣) had a bunch of mod info leaked, a lot of them had .gov emails, making this whole nonsense even weirder

Didn’t the previous three GOP presidents also do that

Who was Three-Card Monte?

neither dubbed nor subtitled but a secret third option

I thought DMX said he was gonna give it to em but here we are and nobody's been given shit

As a country we simply love to fuck around and truly believe we will never find out

During his first term Trump privately showed serious interest in firing a missile into Mexico with the intention of denying it was us.

Everything in its proper context, NBC.

the worst part of going bald has to be letting go of your ratatouille fantasy

Iran may not see your posts about how this is an illegal war, but former Twitter users who saw how you posted 2002-2008 definitely will

Literally thought this was the Onion

What is the caucasity

Blast Bad Bunny while combat parking at Costco. You can’t be mad. Impossible while car dancing.

- Good vibes, do the loops, park in front, hit the samples, get the short checkout line, slam a hot dog.

- Blast Bad Bunny again, go home and take an edible, sleep for 3 days and never go tf back.