Maria

🔥🔥🔥

Hole won't be your salvation

Spent the 4th of July eating lettuce wrapped impossible burgers and talking about how sports are inherently fascist before sandwiching myself between two trans women. Every day I become more of a stereotype and every day I become happier.

I can't be the first one to fall asleep at the transfem sleepover the other girls are gonna write "AGP" on my forehead

A girlfriend is a kind of bird

Walking down the stairs in my home, which I live in, full-time, without tripping? Hopeless.

But I'm the Jason Bourne of sniping my bussy with a rifled jet of lukewarm tap water in a stranger's home.

World class proprioception but only for using unfamiliar bidets

The love that you need will never come as a reward for good behavior.

Fuck resignation to the grave. I am not going to sip or sniff myself into oblivion. I will not embrace a sedan's crushing release from cognition. I will contain every mundane wonder I am subject to and shine against this wretched world.

100 gecs is transgender primus

Student today: "Hey Maria! You're trans, does that mean you like boys or girls?" Honey we don't have time to develop the necessary vocab to describe how fucked my tastes are.

Just resumed therapy, I'd like to apologize bc I'm healed now so the dick's gonna be TRASH going forward

Finger guns with bump stock and suppressor

The Future is a yawning cave and The Past is someone else's weird dream. The Present is something that happens to you the way the moon happens to the waves. Somewhere inside of all of this you have to be a person. Blink and you'll miss it. Don't blink and you'll petrify.

Been getting into Moby Dick, gonna go to his lil Brooklyn teahouse & ask him to whip it out

Gross out lawyers submitting a lawsuit 30 minutes before the statute of limitations expires

Watching this kid try to use a guitar string to shim open the vice principal's office door and wondering if I should intervene or give them notes

"When you see the Buddha on the road, hit her with your car" - Aspen

"I will feel it as deeply and express it as violently as I please" I refuse to live half a life Gordon Freeman already did so on behalf of all mankind.

Walked past the vice principal standing next to a student who was seated,rolling around the floor yelling "Mental breakdown coming soon!! Ooh, mental breakdown coming soon!!"

Today in class this kid said they may need to go to the front desk, so I asked why, and they proceeded to rip the nail off of their index finger and show it to me.

Metal as fuck but my god why?

Mfers asking "come again?" Like they've never heard of a refractory period

I was in the bathroom during a DJ set and I could hear them start playing cotton-eyed joe at the same time the girl in the stall next to me started moaning & presumably getting eaten out. Beauty is everywhere for those with eyes to see it.

Fuck it imma ask these guys what their schedule looks like

Pictured: my load range (XL)

Pictured: your load range (standard)

I asked for the pussy surgery that puts butterfly doors on it and they just made gun cocking noises over the phone :( what does this mean

Got my pussy surgery consult scheduled for the nearest possible date

WHICH IS IN 2027
😭😭😭

You can break the cycle

Real life does indeed have an "enable jiggle physics" button it's called estradiol valerate