Erin Dwyer aka Ginger Is A Construct

Me: “go to bed, honey, it’s just a storm.”

Also me: “This storm is scawy!!!”

I contain multitudes.

Hey kids, just very loudly explain that you're NOT tired, then they'll believe you for real for real.

Condoleeza Rice? The Inaugural Member of the College Football Playoff Selection Committee?

Sometimes I think about that dipshit and the tattoo he’d put no thought into before getting it across his forearm. Wonder how quickly he got that covered up.

In the early 2000s some guy I didn’t know was showing off a new tattoo at a party, it was the busty mudflap silhouette woman with a hammer about to hit her, dude said it was a metaphor for not being controlled by desires. Every woman in that room was like “Nope, it’s a hammer smashing a woman, pig.”

I bet he was mystified! I was convinced I was overreacting until the strep test came back. Human bodies are so weird!

That’s how it manifested!!!! The doctor was baffled by the swollen finger given that the kid had had no injuries until she looked in her throat and saw her tonsils aflame! Isn’t that so fucking weird??

While strep is clearly rampant I should mention that the kiddo didn’t have a sore throat or a fever, we went to the doctor because what first appeared to be a small blister on her finger on Wednesday turned into a very swollen finger this morning, infections are so so weird.

Reminded of something I often say to the kiddo when wanting her to think about acting courteously and collectively in public:

Me “we live in a what?”

Her: “a society.”

Frequently reminded of the first time our kid encountered a magic eight ball a few years ago, her first question to it was "When did Friday Kahlo die?" Her first instinct was to test if it knew verifiable answers. She was 5 or 6, and clearly cannier than an increasing number of LLM-using adults.

AI "has begun showing symptoms of anxiety."

One more art that AI will never be better at than humans.

I had carved out this last day of my spring break to be a day for myself, and not for work, so of course the kid has come down with strep. Diagnosed at 9:30am and she was already the fourth case of the morning for the pediatrician.

Fiddler-crab-ass layout, ffs

Youth pastor voice: “you know who else followed escorts?”

Habibeast

The Reverend Markwayne Richard Wayne Gary Wayne Mullins

If I was a hegemony I would maybe not telegraph to the world that I am so hard up for weapons that I’m asking an underdog nation that’s been at war for years but who am I to say, I switched from majoring in International Relations to studying history so… shrug emoji.

No, YOU need to stop making Kristi Noem Orwell jokes and lesson plan.

Perhaps the biggest surprise about Kristi Noem misquoting Orwell was that it wasn't in service of saying "Four legs bad, two legs good."

"I have HAD it with these mfin animals on this mfin farm"—Mowgli in The Jungle Book, famously

It's just like Rudyard Kipling said, "a bunch of animals are running this farm!"

"I like my bread like I like my men .... 100% butt."

"It's not buns, it's All Butts Bread™️!"

The ad copy writes itself.

The bread butt is the best part and you're lucky to have it.

Off to pitch "Oops All Butts Bread" on Shark Tank. We'll just take all the butts and bag them and then also sell the buttl-ess loaves as "Bread for Babies Who Need the Crusts Cut Off." Endless profits.

Pretty impeccable that she was put through two days of Congressional grilling, including openly talking about her affair in front of her husband, only for her to be fired.

"But enough about Corey Lewandowski..."

I later saw him doing crunches while talking on his cellphone at length so I bow to my quirky gym king. It’s his realm and I’m merely a visitor.

Interior, community gym, my towel has fallen off the treadmill and an older gentleman picks it up and hands it to me:

Me: “thanks, I appreciate it sir!”

Him: “I know you need it.”

lol I’m a canonically sweaty woman but you didn’t need to read me, sir!

Both were veterans, the GE one was a bit too young for WWII but did a lot of search and rescue in what is today called the Bermuda Triangle so he spent my whole childhood disabusing me of the idea that said triangle was magical or cursed since he’d survived it so many times.

One got his trucking license illegally at 13 and went on to work for General Electric, the other one worked at a race track (as a doctor, but if I’m trying to be all Graham Platner about it I don’t mention that bit, right?)

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